absolutely random

i'm free

2007-12-14T17:18:00.001-05:00

hi everyone...i'm back. it only took me almost a year to crack in to my account again and add information. if you are curious what has happened since my last post (which was an eternity ago) here are some breif updates:
1. I ran an afterschool program for inner city kids successfully- they all passed and moved up a grade which is no small accomplishment.
2. I ran a summer mission program for DOOR in Miami and hosted about 300+ people over 8 weeks.
3. I hired and supervised my own staff (mostly successfully).
4. I moved to New York City with my husband in September.
5. I started a new job as a volunteer coordinator at a BIG volunteer organization associated with churches in Manhattan.
6. My husband and I have been married for a year + and are doing great!

If you want pics they are on facebook . Hopefully I'll post something more here. We'll see.

A rabbit named Jazz

2007-03-17T11:39:00.000-04:00

So...we got a bunny. He's ridiculously cute. I'm happy becuase I had to give my chinchilla back to his original home with his chinchilla family (and my aunt, uncle, and cousins) after we got married becuase we couldn't afford his ongoing health needs- he had really bad teeth and needed constant vet care for the rest of his life. I really missed him and have always had a pet of one kind or another since I was a kid. So after a significant time petless Rocky finally gave in. We found him in a pet store and we've named him Jazz. Technically I'm not even sure he's a he, but it really doesn't matter since he's our only rabbit.
Here are some pics of Jazz, enjoy!

In his litterbox...we're working on housebreaking him.

Nibbling on some hay.

Here you can see how tiny he is next to Rocky's shoe.

He looks a little demonic with the red-eye thing, but you get the point.

part-time ministry

2007-02-20T21:56:00.000-05:00

So..not many of you know that I am currently employed part-time at two ministries in Miami. One- DOOR Miami- hosts short-term mission groups from all over the US (and Canada) for weekends and weeks of service all over the city, as well as hosts year-long missionaries. Right now I am officially the assistant director of DOOR Miami and am in charge of helping the director as well as hosting and scheduling the short term groups as they come in to town.
The other part-time ministry gig I have is with TML (Touching Miami with Love) which is an urban ministry outreach in downtown Miami. I am the after school program coordinator- which basically means that I am in charge of 15 kids from an inner-city school every day after school until about 5pm.
I love both of these positions, but if you have ever had the pleasure of "part-time" ministry you already know that it is impossible. How can you put a cap on the amount of time that you spend on such great causes. One exposes people to the gifts and challenges of urban ministry for what might be the only time in a participant's life. The other helps inner-city kids learn and have a safe Christian place to hand out after school every day.
Needless to say I'm having a hard time juggling all of this but loving every minute at the same time. Never in my life have I been able to use all of my interests all at the same time and I truly believe that God planned this bit of crazyness in my life to allow me to use these gifts. I am tired, but energized at the same time. It's great. Sometime I'll post more...right now I'm too busy working "part-time" and loving it!

so much for togetherness

2006-12-29T01:09:00.000-05:00

So Rocky and I had a great couple of weeks of time together in Miami...then a couple of days together in Chicago...then came the inevitable call for the far away gig. yep that's right folks, my husband is playing in none other than Kuwait for New Year's Eve. I mean seriously, who gets a last minute international New Year's Eve gig? In Kuwait? It was a little out there even for us..but it's legit and he's already there. I can't really complain too much becuase it pays really well and is kind of a massive hook up becuase our car needs to get repaired from a little fender bender we were in before we left for Christmas. So this gig helps us out a lot with bills, etc. It just sucks that I've had to miss my husband so much recently. I have a husband...really he's great. And someday we'll be able to pay our bills while being in the same place at the same time. Hopefully.

travel woes

2006-11-22T00:19:00.000-05:00

Rocky and I have been missing each other lately. Partly due to my travels for DOOR to Annaheim, CA and then to Chicago taking up the majority of the first two weeks of Nov. Then while I was in Chicago last week he got a call for a gig on a cruise ship...that left a day after I would get home. We decided that he should take it becuase honestly we really need the money. However, this also meant that for the month of November these newlyweds will only get ot spend 7 days together this entire month. This does not make me happy and I can't tell you how relieved I was to hear his voice for the first time since he left yesterday morning. I never thought that I would be so greatly affected, but what really makes this last split hard is that we can't readily call each other throughout the day. We can only talk in little spurts, only if the phone line is available out of the ship, and for about 30 cents a minute. I will be more than thrilled for the arrival of the month of December as the entire month neither one of us is traveling (except to go to Chicago together for Christmas). I love my husband and even though seeing new places and traveling the country is fun for me...it would be all the better if we could do it together! Or atleast if we could do it so that we would be gone at the same time.

other people's children

2006-10-27T19:26:00.000-04:00

for a while now i have been watching my friends and family as they bring new little wonders into the world one by one. every baby born is always amazing to me and reminds me that we are now officially "grown-ups". (ironically "grown-ups" have converations that revolve around diaper rash and body parts). i love each of these miracles and am happy to be a part of their lives. but i'm not really looking for one of my own any time soon.
although i know that it is the next natural question to ask once someone gets married, i really get aggravated when people ask me- "so when are you and rocky going to have a little one?" atleast i know when it's coming now. the first few times it kind of smacked me upside the face. i just got married, kids are not on my mind...surviving the first year of marriage is on my mind. i feel as if i'm responding to the associated press and critical people want critical answers.
but i have learned to curve my knee jerk reaction of sarcasm (i.e. it's none of your business) and am able to politely answer- "we're not looking to have children in the near future." some folks like to ask why...but most are satisfied with that statement.
let me tell you one reason why i'm willing to wait (other than the fact that i married a musician). right now i am a nanny for a two year old little boy. let me tell you that there is no other form of psychological birth control quite as effective as a stubborn two year old. this little boy is currently going through the difficult combination of no naps, mommy seperation anxiety, and potty training, and i'm sure i would be a little crabby if i were him. the fact that i am NOT mommy does not help the situation. kids seem very far in the future after coming home from toddlerland. i'm not really longing for a two year old of my own for a while. right now i am perfectly satisfied loving other people's children, and that is good enough for me.

a little too much time on my hands

2006-10-23T22:06:00.000-04:00

You Belong in Fall

Intelligent, introspective, and quite expressive at times...
You appreciate the changes in color, climate, and mood that fall brings
Whether you're carving wacky pumpkins or taking long drives, autumn is a favorite time of year for you

What Season Are You?

happiness

2006-10-23T21:21:00.000-04:00

i am happy. althought this may not come as a life-shattering announcement to most, it is very good news for me. i have struggled with many years now with seasons of depression and disillusionment that often comes with the post-graduation/early twenty-something/cross-country moving/job changing young adult life. but i can can gladly and confidently state that i currently feel the most content and peaceful that i have ever felt in my adult life.
i'm sure that there was a time perhaps in my childhood that i could have said that i was happy because we had chocolate ice cream and i got to play with my friends. even though ice cream and friends still make me happy that is not the happiness of which i speak of today. today i am referring to a deeper and utterly more meaningful happiness that does not melt or move away. of course being a newlywed has something to do with this happiness and my life with my hubby has been bliss-filled. it could have something to do with the fact that i have a job with an organization that i can whole-heartedly support and cares for me on an individual level. my state of happiness could also be a result of the fact that i am putting to good use my bible college education through my church.
but i think that my happiness comes from all of these combined and more. i am happy becuase for once in my life i am not debating if i am in the right place at the right time doing the right thing. for the first time in a very long time i feel happily grounded and growing exactly where i have been planted. i pray for this depth of happiness to continue and i thank God for letting me feel it.
i'm going to have some ice cream with friends now.

my freakin cute nephew

2006-10-13T21:36:00.000-04:00

that's right folks...my sister had a baby (almost four months ago!) with all the wedding hysteria and the fact that i had neither a home computer or a camera over the summer i had forgotten to post about this little wonder. his name is Caleb and he is beautiful. he is one of the best things that my sister ever could have done and let it be known that i am more than proud of her for bringing this little guy into our lives. and here he is...

i love coffee

2006-09-25T22:59:00.000-04:00

You Are an Espresso

At your best, you are: straight shooting, ambitious, and energetic

At your worst, you are: anxious and high strung

You drink coffee when: anytime you're not sleeping

Your caffeine addiction level: high

What Kind of Coffee Are You?

the wedding

2006-08-23T22:29:00.000-04:00

so as many of you already know...the wedding has past and life is nearly back to normal (except for that whole cross-country move). For those of you who could not join us for the wedding and for those who were there but would like a refresher, here are some pictures that one of our very smart friends took while we were getting our professional shots taken. So this way we don't have to pay $5 for a wallet photo :). ENJOY!

We took this one the night before at the rehearsal BBQ at my folks house. It was pouring down rain and my dad still cooked on the grill for us...that's dedication!

This pic I took of myself before I saw Rocky for the first time that day...just to remember what I looked like before all the running around of the wedding day began.

This pic was snapped while others were getting their pictures taken..I was excited!

And let the formal pictures begin...

The extended Grundhofer-Ballard-Yera family (with newest addition Caleb!)

My folks and our best man Richard

You can tell here that we're a little distracted

Rocky lifted me up after I lifted him up for a picture too!

This one is one of my favorites with all the guys (check out the ringbearer on the end)

And finally...my sis took this one right before we left for the honeymoon!

23 days

2006-07-20T21:13:00.000-04:00

23 days..or something like that until I am married! That is unreal for me to type. These past two months in Chicago have been extremely hard. I'm not sure what combination of events led to my untimely breakdown, but I am very glad that Rocky stuck around and that he still wants to marry me after all! I think that all the details are ironed out as best as they can be. We have been running around like mad and I have come to the conclusion that I really just want to stay close to home as much as possible...so we are going to take it easy for the next couple of weeks so that I actually don't pass out after walking down the aisle from pre-wedding exhaustion.

Long story short....we are moving back to Miami. After much deliberation and a few long-winded discussions Rocky and I decided that it would be best to start our life in a not so difficult place. New York was too much to handle all at once and I think that he would have ended up a happy musician, but a miserable husband...so we comprimised. But now Miami opportunities are opening up left and right and I am beyond thrilled at all the opportunities for ministry there that I haven't been able to do since moving away. I can't wait to preach again and I have a peace that God will provice for us. Thanks for all of you that prayed for us over the past couple of months...it's been hard, but whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Right coach?

packing

2006-05-08T15:55:00.000-04:00

Once again it is time for me to pack up and move to yet another home. This time atleast I will be headed someplace extremely familiar as Rocky and I will be moving in to live with my folks in my childhood home as we finish preparing for our wedding. I love that house so much. Even though my parents have altered nearly every room since I moved out almost ten years ago...it's still home and I love it. But that's not what i wanted to vent about now.
I'm packing all of the things that I have collected since moving to Miami nearly two years ago and as I filter through cards and trinkets that I have picked up and held on to for one reason or another I am brought back to remember good times here. Isn't it true that you don't know what you have until you lose it? That's how I feel about Miami. For nearly the whole time that I have lived here I have tried to plot my escape and keep myself not feeling at home. But it happened despite my best efforts...Miaimi became one of many homes for me. It's hard to say goodbye...once again. I can't express how much this time has forever changed me. I have been streched in very uncomfortable ways, but have found myself more flexible than I ever imagined. I feel like Miami is the school yard bully that I finally made friends with and now we eat lunch together and share our snack packs. After a few good beatings we had bonded and now we share intimate moments together that will never be forgotten. I will miss Miami...but mostly I will miss all the people that make this place so incredible.

i didn't get it...

2006-04-20T09:05:00.000-04:00

So news came from NYU about a fellowship that I had been a finalist for and I didn't get it. I'm okay with the decision because the competition was fairly fierce and I got to get flown to NYC and put up in a downtown hotel during the interview process. I also got to attend a New York Socialite dinner. So really I got a free weekend in New York to meet fellow intellectuals with the same passion and interests as me, who can complain about that. Now I just have to haul it and check out other sources of funding so that I'm not massively in debt when I finish. I'm really coming to a peaceful place regarding moving to New York and starting my Masters in Social Work at NYU. I'm looking forward to it so much. Even though I am also looking forward to being back in Chicago for a few months before I get married, New York is such a vibrant place full of all kinds of possibilities. I think that Rocky adn I will be happy starting off our life together there.

waiting...

2006-04-14T09:10:00.000-04:00

I have come to the conclusion that I am one of the most impatient people that I know. You know those people who like wandering road trips with scenic stops and take the back way just for the experience of it all...I am NOT that person. I want to get where I am going, and I will make myself stop, but it is not my natural tendency. I get irritated at myself when I have to stop for food, or even to use the facilities while I am on the road. I just want to get there, get settled, move on. The experience of a journey is beyond frustrating to me. So here I sit, waiting for life-altering news...and there's nothing I can do but wait. Oh Lord give me patience beyond myself and help me enjoy the ride.

checking out...

2006-04-12T12:54:00.000-04:00

You know that frenzy that you feel when you are checking out of a hotel room and you frantically run around checking under the bed and in the drawers and under the bathroom sink to make sure that you don't leave something behind? That's exactly how I feel about leaving miami. i'm set to move from the city that i have not had the best relationship with and i feel myself gearing up for it with the anxiety and fear that i will leave with something undone. so in order to rationalize my fears here is a list of things that i must do before leaving:
1. visit the everglades. it's only one of the largest refuges of untouched land in the US and is rumored to be drained and covered over by concrete if miami gets any freakin' bigger...so i better go now.
2. go to the beach. as often as possible. no excuses. i don't care if it's raining.
3. visit important historical landmarks/museums. now there aren't too any of those in miami becuase many folks really didn't like living here until post air-conditioning days..but there are a few worth seeing.
4. go to disneyworld? this is a long-shot. but i have never gone and it's some leftover childhood fantasy that may be better just left alone than spending hundreds of dollars to really just wait in line all day.
5. spend more time with friends here. i will miss them and i'm pretty sure that if i have anything to do with it we won't be movin back here any time too soon.
6. learn more spanish. i've been pathetic with this and even though i know way more than before i moved here. my vocabulary sucks...so yeah, better get hauling it.

any more suggestions? let me know. i've got a little more than a month to go.

two weeks...

2006-04-10T14:10:00.000-04:00

I have offically started my last two weeks at my job as volunteer coordinator for the food bank. I am thrilled. Even though I know that the food bank is very busy and could use me around for a little while longer (if not forever) I am very excited becuase of what is next for my life right now. By this friday I will know if NYU is a full ride! Imagine that, going to NYU for my MSW and having it paid for...that is a dream come true.
So I'm gearing up for these next few months regardless and am looking forward to going "home" to Chicagoland for a couple of months before starting marriage, grad school, and New York living all at once!!

registering...

2006-03-31T08:32:00.000-05:00

Registering for your wedding is supposed to be a joy-filled time of walking throughout the store and scanning items to your heart's desire. Before I ever had the chance to register myself I invisioned this moment as one of those skipping through the store, holding hands, laughing and easy-going about to be married moments. I had always been envious of couples being able to shop till they drop and then have all their friends and family buy them whatever they wanted. I always thought this unfair to the single person...do they not need dishes or pots and pans just as much as married folk? Registering seemed like bliss, the easy way...
This is not the case.
There was some laughing, but mostly by the end I just wanted to get it over with. I had a massive headache and felt like if Rocky and I had to debate another dish pattern that I would just go psycho bride on him and just run out of the store screaming. Never in your life are you asked to design your entire house all at once as you are asked to do before you are married. Especially for the couple (ahem!) that doesn't even know where they are living post-wedding and can't plan around their two-bedroom house with large kitchen, etc.
Since we are looking on moving to New York City, most likely Rocky and I will be living in a studio apartment somewhere glamorous like Brooklyn or Queens and half the stuff that we racked our brains registered for will be kindly stored away in my parent's attic until we come into a small fortune that would allow us the luxury of actual square footage in the greater New York City area, and if we're really lucky...maybe New Jersey!
I suppose that this is still a better option than relying on your friends and family to choose random bunches of gifts for you and your house looks like the Salvation Army store instead of a well thought out moment of brilliance in interior design. But registering is exhausting. I mean seriously, how many cheese grater options does one really need? My thought process went something like this with regards to items of excess like gourmet cheese graters: 1. does it grate cheese? 2. What else do you have to ask...seriously it's a freakin' cheese grater! I don't need a cheese grater with teflon or with designer chef signatures, I need a cheese grater that grates cheese (that is if I actually cook anything that requires grated cheese...okay, that's if I ever cook!). Asking my friends and family to purchase a designer cheese grater that costs the same amount as feeding a small country for a day just doesn't strike me as necessary. So I tried to keep it simple. Grates cheese? Check. Moving on. But it was like this for every item...paper towel holders, dish drainers...and don't even get me started on bathroom soap dispensers! For a person that hates making choices (that's me) registering was not the dream come true that I had invisioned.
So here's to hoping that we get the stuff that we really need and that when we open up all of our heartfelt and thoughtful gifts from our wedding guests that we won't look at each other and think...did we register for this deluxe food dehydrator?

engagement party

2006-03-07T12:46:00.000-05:00

So immediately after Rocky and I had officially gotten engaged (he asked, I said yes) we walked into a surprise party at church. It was great and a nice way to instantly celebrate. Here are some pics...Enjoy!

gettin' hitched

2006-03-02T18:48:00.000-05:00

that's right folks. you heard it from the source herself...me. i'm getting married this August. can you believe it? Mr. Rocky Yera is the lucky man. we'll be getting married by Chicago but will also have a wedding after party in Miami. The entire month of August is pretty much going to be wedding mania. but this time around, this 8-time reigning bridesmaid will be upgrading to the white dress and will gladly become the center of attention for one great day. we'll be sending out some more info later on and i'm sure that i'll dazzle you with a whole new line of witty almost married wedding prep entries. i know you can't wait...neither can i!

tagged...

2006-02-23T16:06:00.000-05:00

I've been tagged by Shannon while slacking at work (a very common occurance these days)...
so here goes:

Four jobs I've had:
1. Day Care Teacher (that's right...the kiddies loved me!)
2. Coffeehouse barista (turned coffee addict when I was done!)
3. Counseling Center Office Staff (they trusted me with people's confidential psychological files!)
4. Music School Director (I didn't get paid, but I did it well)

Four places I have lived:
1. Westmont, IL (Go Sentinels!)
2. Lincoln, IL (Go Preachers/Angels!)
3. Cincinnati, OH (Go Bearcats!)
4. Miami, FL (Go Loco!)

Four TV shows I love:
1. The Simpsons
2. Everybody Loves Raymond
3. Sex In the City
4. Trading Spaces (although I never really get to watch it)

Four places I've vacationed:
1. New York City
2. Martha's Vineyard
3. Miami (when I first got here)
4. Colorado

Four of my favorite dishes:
1. Carne Asada (grilled steak with rice and beans)
2. Pizza (who can argue with that)
3. First Wok's General Tso's chicken
4. Spaghetti (it's been my favorite since I was a kid)

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. my bed
2. on a beach
3. closer to my family (in Chicago)
4. anywhere but work!

Four sites I've visited today:
1. Hotmail (about 50 times)
2. My sister's blog
3. The olympics website (women's figure skating is today!!!)
4. New York University's School of Social Work website

People I'm tagging:
1. My sis
2. My bro-in-law
3. Melissa Briske
4. dang it...Shannon and I have too many friends together!

more pix?

2006-02-13T08:38:00.000-05:00

Since I finally learned how to successfully post pictures on my blog here are some more. This one is my current roomies (minus our pets- my chinchilla, Gus the dog, and Bella the puppy).

pretty funny

2006-02-09T12:18:00.000-05:00

In hopes of stealing humor from my friend's here goes...

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Juliet!

Baby swans are called Juliet.
Julius Caesar wore a laurel wreath to cover up Juliet.
Juliet is black with white stripes, not white with black stripes!
A chimpanzee can learn to recognize itself in a mirror, but Juliet can not.
Originally, Juliet could not fly!
Devoid of her cells and proteins, Juliet has the same chemical makeup as sea water.
Juliet kept at the window will keep vampires at bay!
Europe is the only continent that lacks Juliet.
Juliet is the only bird that can swim but not fly!
There are now more than 4000 satellites orbiting Juliet.

pictures?

2006-02-07T16:10:00.000-05:00

Okay, I'm going to attempt to post a picture of me and my boyfriend Rocky. Here goes...

signs of boredom

2006-02-01T11:50:00.001-05:00

14 minutes till lunch.
4 hours and 23 minutes till I clock out.
4 hours and 27 minutes till I take a nap at home.
ahhh...naptime.

make that 13 minutes till lunch.

i like preaching

2006-01-24T10:08:00.000-05:00

there it is folks. whether you endorse women preaching or not...i've done it and i loved it! i have actually had the opportunity in miami to preach about four times now and i totally dig it. i had the hardest time getting past my previous church roles and pushing the envelope a little. but i love dissecting the word of god and presenting it to his children. i love the exhaustion that i feel after i am done and the spirit has used up a good chunk of me. i can rarely remember what all i say and in that i take comfort knowing that somewhere in my ramblings god spoke and i listened along with everyone else. i like preaching. it feels natural for me and i feel as though i have shyed away from it for alltogether too long. aren't we all called to the same mission of spreading the word of god and builiding each other up in the faith? aren't we all christians? male, female, young and old? i know that god has given me a voice and a faith and a knowledge of his word to share it with others...not to sit on it like some giant goose on her golden egg. so i will preach until i feel like my time has passed.

back from peace and logic

2006-01-19T10:19:00.000-05:00

I have returned to the land of eternal sunshine from the corn producing capital of the world. I was honored to be a part of the wedding of Chris Warren and Emily Storm this past weekend in good ole' Lincoln, IL. The ceremony and reception were great, but what was even great was seeing everyone again. It was a mini LCC reunion and I had so much fun laughing with people who understand jokes about Frances Shaeffer and postmodernism. People for whom IDS represents years of a class which occupied at one time a large portion of their brain cells. Good honest and faithful people who encouraged me greatly with open conversation and lots of hugs. I also got to visit my fam for a bit while I was in IL and had a great time with them as well. My family makes me laugh more than any other group of people on the face of the earth and I enjoyed a good ab workout over the weekend. Overall I came back to the insane city that is Miami, FL and felt revived. I am reminded that there are other people like me out there in the world that are trying to live faithfully. I have grown to accept Miami, but Christians are hard to come by here and it was of great encouragement to be around so many people of faith. I am so grateful for the time that I got with everyone this weekend and I wish Chris and Emily every happiness.

I am the conquerer!

2005-12-14T12:56:00.000-05:00

You will take over Jamaica using only an elephant that you've trained to eat humans!

www.quizgalaxy.com

Dave Barry is hilarious

2005-12-13T12:36:00.000-05:00

So anyone that read anything by Dave Barry knows how hilarious he is, but you may not know that he writes daily for the Miami Herald. This one was e-mailed to me and I find it really funny...enjoy.

Posted on Sun, Dec. 11, 2005
"We wish you a merry gesso" BY DAVE BARRY
(This classic DAVE BARRY column was originally published on Dec. 13, 1998.)

Ho ho ho! ''Tis the Christmas season, a time of festivity and fun and credit-card statements the length of ``The Brothers Karamazov.'' It's also a time when the publications at supermarket-checkout counters are chock-full of articles featuring creative holiday craft ideas, with headlines like:

'CHER TELLS OPRAH: `CAST OF `FRIENDS' ATE MY BABY!''

No, sorry, wrong type of supermarket-checkout publication. The ones with the holiday craft ideas are the homemaker magazines, which are filled with articles like ''50 Fun Holiday Crafts You Can Make With Your Saliva.'' The problem is that, to make these crafts, you usually have to understand some technical craft terms. For example, I have here a Family Circle article on 25 do-it-yourself holiday gifts; in the instructions for making a ''Yuletide Shelf,'' it says that step one is to ``gesso an unfinished wooden shelf.''

Call me a big fat holiday dope if you want, but I have no idea what ''gesso'' means. It sounds like dialogue in a bad western movie:

FIRST COWBOY: Yew fixin' tuh wrangle them heifers?

SECOND COWBOY: Ah gesso.

The thing is, I happen to consider myself a craft expert, based on my experience in the summer of 1966 at Camp Sharparoon in Dover Furnace, N.Y., where I held the title of Craft Shop Counselor. They did not give this title to just anybody. They gave it only to those individuals who, when asked, ''Do you want to be Craft Shop Counselor?'' answered ``OK.''
Our most popular craft project -- in fact, our ONLY craft project -- was having the campers make ''lanyards,'' which were these things that you made by braiding something called ''gimp.'' You spent several days braiding your lanyard, and then you hung it around your neck, where it served thousands of useful purposes, although nobody I know ever could think of any.
Nevertheless we had our campers make them by the metric ton.
I suppose I should have come up with some other craft projects, but I was pretty busy fighting bats. The Camp Sharparoon craft shop was located in a rustic old structure that housed what had to be the largest irate bat colony in North America. Around dusk, the bats would swarm out and, perhaps angered by the ''gimp,'' swoop around the campers, causing them to become frightened and commit potentially serious braiding errors. So I, as the authority figure, would try to hit them (the bats) with a broom. I got pretty good at it. The key is to have a relaxed grip on the handle, keep your eye on the bat, and follow through on your swing. I could consistently drive a bat 25 feet, which is more than twice the best distance ever attained by so-called ''craft expert'' Martha Stewart.
And that is why today I am proud to present the following holiday feature, ''Christmas Projects for the Craft-Impaired.'' We'll start with an easy and inexpensive gift idea:

HOLIDAY COAT HANGERS
This is the perfect solution for that embarrassing moment when people give you a gift and you didn't get anything for them. Simply take an ordinary wire coat hanger from your closet, tie a festive red ribbon around it, and -- Voila! -- you have a useful, hand-crafted gift that perfectly expresses the holiday message: ''This cost me nothing.'' If you don't want to go to all that trouble, you can simply give people a hanger and tell them to tie their own ribbon on it. For that matter, they might just as well use their own hanger; no sense in killing yourself! You have other holiday craft projects to think about, such as this fun and rewarding idea for the kids:

MAYONNAISE NATIVITY SCENE
Get a big jar -- no, get SEVERAL big jars -- of mayonnaise. Scoop the mayonnaise out onto a table or floor in a big glob, and tell the kids to make a Nativity Scene out of it. They can't, of course, but they'll be busy for the next few hours, which gives you some time to make:

FESTIVE HOLIDAY EGGNOG
Eggnog is a traditional old beverage that gets its name from two words, ''egg,'' meaning ''egg,'' and ''nog,'' meaning ''a sound people make in the bathroom if they have consumed too much eggnog.'' You need a dozen eggs, a quart of rum and some other ingredients that I forget. Begin by separating the egg whites from the yolks. When you're done, take a standard No. 2 pencil and write me a letter explaining how you did it, because I never could. I always end up just drinking the rum, or, if no rum is available, beer. Which always puts me in a good mood to plan my:

HOLIDAY ''SURPRISE'' GIFT PARTY
Invite all your friends, and, in the invitation, tell them to bring a wrapped gift with no name on it. At a given time -- say, 8 p.m. -- gather all your guests together and tell them to go home. Then open the gifts. If any guests refuse to leave, threaten to gesso them. Because you're a busy person with many more holiday projects to attend to. Such as getting the mayonnaise off the dog.

Christmas in Miami II

2005-12-12T12:41:00.000-05:00

I am surviving another Christmas in Miami and it is a strange event. Everything is strange here really, but Christmas is most especially weird for me. First off, no snow...which in and of itself is not a bad thing, but it is hard to listen to "I'm dreaming of a white Christmas," and "Frosty the snowman" when there is no snow and certainly no snow man. I don't care who disagrees with me but lights on palm trees look tacky no matter how you do it...it's just wrong. And how dare I not mention our neighborhood santa competition.
That's right, apparently the coolest thing that you can do in Little Havana is dress up like Santa and cruise the neighborhood. Or so two of my neighbors believe. One is an elderly man who has been dressing up like Santa nearly every day since September and wheeling around the blocks in his motorized wheelchair screaming (what I can somewhat understand) Spanish profanities at people passing by. It's hilarious. But wait, theres more...there is a second Santa who has been dressing as such since about October, who drives around our neighborhood in the loudest van ever created selling fruit and vegtables and blaring really terrible Spanish polka style music (we're talking manic accordian solos). Now, these two sights in and of themselves would be enough to make me chuckle for a good long time...but it gets better.
The other day I pulled in my driveway after work and I see them, the dueling Santas, down the block screaming at each other (in Spanish of course). Apparently it is taboo to cruise on another Santa's turf and the battle had begun. For nearly two hours the two Santas screamed at each other until finally the Santa in the fruit truck drove off and I haven't seen him since (sniff...sniff). I'm not sure what Santa #1 said or did, or threatened to say or do, but it worked and now he has his rightful kingdom back wherein he can happily spread Christmas cheer by chasing school kids down the sidewalks and throwing things at passing cars. Ah...there's just nothing like Christmas in Miami.

Will I be the only one left?

2005-11-30T12:59:00.000-05:00

My little sister is pregnant. Two of my best friends are getting married within a year of dating the men they are marrying. I think I'm equal parts thrilled and sad at the same time. I'm thrilled for new life and for new marriages (especially marriages that I endorse whole-heartedly!). However, I'm sad becuase I feel that once again I am getting left behind. The friends and family that I used to have so much in common with are passing me by and I am plugging away in Miami...tolerating it, but no way at home with it. They are "settling down" and I am beginning to be known as their crazy friend/sister who doesn't have the same address two years in a row and has a different boyfriend every couple of years. It makes me feel alone.
I still don't know what I want to "do with my life." Do I go to grad school and get my MSW, do I teach, do I just stick with the not-for-profit world, do I work at at church? Here, there, everywhere...I don't have a permanent address or a home phone number, or a personal computer. I'm in debt becuase of living a year of service. I'm just not too thrilled with my situation right now. I'm not asking for anyone's sympathy or even understanding....I'm just venting. I'll probably erase this later.

potluck tip #32

2005-11-23T13:01:00.000-05:00

So today at work we had a potluck for Thanksgiving. I decided that I was going to make pie. Pie making has become a big thing for me recently and I make about a pie a month (for one reason or another). I think of it as edible artwork. I love making the crust from scratch.
Well, I have been telling people about my pies and how they will have to try it when I bring it for the potluck. People were asking me about them yesterday all during work. Last night I mixed and rolled and baked. Today I brought my prized pumpkin pies to the table alongside three flans and a carrot cake and I was sure that they would stand the test and be the finest dessert that anyone had tasted. Well, I take one bite of my own pie anticipating the flavor....and I was sadly dissapointed. The pie tasted like crap. It had no flavor. I tried another peice just to make sure that I wasn't imagining something...and the same dissapointment overcame my tastebuds. One of my co-workers tried their peice of pie after me and looked at me funny. Another person bit in and laughed. Turns out that in all my pie-making frenzy I forgot to add sugar.
Even my executive director made fun of me for it. I got hassled so much. Needless to say I will have to do something to make up for this experience and restore my pie-making reputation. But even if I bring in the best tasting pie in the world on Monday, I don't think I'll ever be asked to make a pie at work again. Maybe this isn't altogether a bad thing, maybe this is a tool that more people should use. If you want to get out of making something for a potluck...make the first one taste horrible and you will never be bothered again.

where is home?

2005-11-15T12:48:00.000-05:00

I went "home" to Chicago this weekend and loved it. Believe it or not, I really miss the feeling of cold. I never thought that I would say that...but the sun really gets old after a while. I feel most "at home" in Miami on the rare days that it is atleast cloudy or raining. Overcast is comfy for me.
Anyway, I am really having a hard time right now resolving this "home" issue. Where is home? I have moved about 6 times and had about 5 jobs since graduation from LCC in 2002! The address on my drivers license says my folks address in IL, but I haven't lived there since 2000. I just don't know what else to put on it. I don't even know what state to put next when I have to renew my license this summer. I am not resolved to dwell anywhere long enough to put down the type of roots that result in a permanent address. A permanent address requires something permanent in nature- a job, a marriage, a family, home ownership. Some of my addresses I can't even remember...that's not even close to permanent.
I'm kind of numb and overwhelmed from all this change. I don't deal well with change and I'm not adventurous. If it were up to me I would have lived in the same place my whole life. But for some crazy reason I felt challenged by God to reach out of my comfort zone and I haven't settled down yet. But I feel the strain of not having a "home" and I can imagine (atleast in part) the feelings of Jesus as he wandered from place to place...longing for a "home." But his "home" was, and is, heaven. I miss the comforts Westmont, IL so much it makes me burst out in tears...I can't imagine leaving heaven and longing for that comfort. I don't know how Jesus wasn't just a blubbering mess sometimes. I would have lost it....I am losing it a little already.
So I struggle with this question: As a Christian...is it good to have a "permanent address" or should we always feel that long for "home" and never quite get there until we reach heaven?

not on my blog

2005-11-09T08:43:00.000-05:00

I have come to notice that my blog is being used for advertising. I find this highly unusual, but also admire the people who thought of it. They post a comment on my blog that goes something like this: "Juliet you've got a great blog here....check out my cheap perfume site." I don't mind cheap perfume ads...I just don't really know what they have to do with my blog. I will see how this develops and what kind of advertisements I receive. Maybe I should charge banner space?

Kickin' it in MIA

2005-10-27T15:53:00.000-04:00

Since moving to Miami as of last year I have weathered Frances, Ivan, Jeanne, Katrina, Rita..... and now Wilma.
Yes folks, I have made it through another hurricane...this one was the biggest deal so far for Miami since I have lived here. I still don't have electricity at my house and may not for another two weeks. But I am really enjoying the time off. The weather has been gorgeous (65-70), yesterday I took a two hour nap on an air mattress in my back yard. I have also learned how to cook many things on an open fire (last night we dined on rigatoni with homemade sauce).
I am blogging from work, the only place that I know of so far that has electricity. This hurricane was the scariest I've been through. We put up our shutters on Sunday afternoon and the storm came late into the night with force. For those of you who are reading this from outside hurricane stricken areas, hurricane shutters are usually heavy peices of metal that you bolt to your house over your windows and doors to keep flying debris and wind from breaking through the glass. So my house bunkered down for the storm. In total we had 12 people, two dogs, two cats, a mouse, and a chinchilla filling up a three bedroom house and all hoping that our house would not get struck too badly. It was a hurricane party of genuine proportions. The next morning we were all woken up by the sound of feirce winds and ran over to the windows (the parts that weren't totally covered by shutters) and peeked out to see what was going on. It was an amazing sight- trees being bent in half, debris flying through the streets. You could almost feel the house sway with the wind gusts. But everything stayed in place and our house (and houseguests) were all spared. So in honor of Hurricane Wilma I would like to list for you the things that I have learned:
1. Hurricane shutters are a very good idea. Who knew?
2. Too many people locked up in a house with too many pets is NOT a good idea.
3. Charcoal is VERY important when you need to grill all the meat in your fridge, your freezer, and your neighborhood.
4. Lighter fluid is much more fun than lighting a fire the "old fashioned way".
5. Power lines are not play things.
6. Do not go walking outside during a hurricane (some guy really did this and a tree fell on him).
7. Do not grill inside your home (seriously, they announce this warning with every hurricane becuase EVERY time someone does it...carbon monoxide ring a bell?)
8. Do all your laundry before the hurricane (washers and dryers don't work very well without electricity). Even so, locking yourself inside your house with piles of dirty laundry...gross.
9. Learn to enjoy cold showers (unless you are lucky enought to have a gas water heater).
10. It is not essential to sit in a gas line for four hours- just don't drive anywhere. Seriously, I don't know why people freak out so much...nothing is open anyway. It's like this knee-jerk reaction, oh no I don't have gas in my SUV...I should freak out and sit in line forever and while I'm sitting there forget that I am using up all my gas waiting in line for more gas.
11. Always check the tire pressure and oil level for your car. This is just good car care.
12. Do not eat yellow snow. This has nothing to do with a hurricane...but is always good advice.
13. Call you mother. Don't ask me why, but parents like to get a ring from you when you are in the midst of a natural disaster.
14. You do not need electricity to go shopping at the grocery store...just lots of cash.
15. If there is a line...get in it becuase it's probably a line for something important and what else do you have to do but waste time since everything is closed anyway. It's kind of a game and you get a suprise at the end. It could be ice or it could be dog food....you don't know, but somehow you NEED it if there is a line.
16. The following food items should always be consumed in the case of a hurricane: donuts, all remaining ice cream, chips, cookies, and pretty much anything else that you can get your hands on.
17. If you gain weight from the previous suggestion, than here are your excuses: Anxiety, depression, cabin fever, hurricane fever, hunger, boredom, multiple personality disorder....it could go on and on. But clearly it's not your fault.

AND FINALLY...
18. Do not move to Florida or any other "hurricane friendly" state. "Hurricane friendly" is just another way of saying it's only a matter of time before you'll get screwed, but enjoy it while you can.

hurricane season 2005

2005-08-30T15:06:00.000-04:00

Welcome back to hurricane season everybody! As most of you know Katrina is the big winner so far this year, unfortunately those of us who live in hurricane friendly places still have to ride out the results until November 1st when the official season comes to a close. My heart goes out to those in Louisiana, Mississippi, and Alabama who are suffering the brunt of the storm. I was very blessed and only lost electricity for a little while. Although my work place is running on 1/3 power (meaning no air conditioning) it is still a little inconvenience in comparison. Thanks to all my friends who called to check if I was still kickin' after the storm. It's always nice to hear from you, even in the event of a natural disaster.
Luckilly enough, I had moved a block over to my new rental house last week right before the storm hit and the new house was the one that kept power. Whereas the house that I lived at last year (a block away) lost two awnings, was flooded, and lost power. So my new house became a sort of intern refugee camp (as they were seeking assylum from the storm) as four new mission volunteers, who just drove into town the day after the storm, and one summer staffer/mission volunteer crashed on our couch and floors for the weekend. I'm happy to say that most of Miami is recovering power and there wasn't too much extensive damage (only roofs, flooding, and downed trees). I worked off my storm anxiety and cabin fever by neurotically cleaning the new house and by baking two peach pies. Somehow this works for me, don't ask me why.
I'm never quite sure what to think in the wake of such events (i.e. the December tsunami). Clearly you can't place blame on terrorist for such natural disasters (although I wouldn't be suprised if the Bush administration attempts to). It is an act of God. If I believe that God is interacting throughout creation than I must believe that God brought this about. It's just hard to resolve when you really dwell on it. The loss of life always calls me to question the grace of God. It brings about the philosophical debate: "If God loves us, than why do bad things happen?" Although I know the theology of these questions, the Bible references, etc.....I still feel a little lost sometimes in the tradgedy of it all. Sorry to be such a bummer. Just thinking and blogging at the same time.

vacation and American Idol

2005-07-31T12:26:00.000-04:00

So today I leave on our (the mission volunteers and our city director's) year end retreat in where else but the sunny Bahamas!!! That's right, one of the benefits of living on the edge of America as we know it is the fact that you can get $40 flights to the Bahamas, or pretty much anywhere else in the Caribbean (except Cuba). So my housemates and I, after living a year of $100/mth stipends will be living in a beautiful beach side hotel in Nassau (that the capital of the Bahamas for you geography buffs). I am so excited, but I can't believe that the year is over.

Luckily, after much searching and prayer and worrying, I have gotten a job offer out of the countless number of resumes that I sent out all over Miami. I could be the volunteer coordinator at a place called Daily Bread Food Bank...it's a Christian non-profit food bank that helps to support local food banks all over the city. I still am going to a few more interviews and will have a week to decide. I am searching for a place to live, but haven't had any luck quite yet. I still wish that I lived in Cincy for that because 1. there were never a lack of rentals available and 2. living expences are a lot cheaper there than in Miami. The same 800 sq. foot 2 bedroom apt that I lived in last year in Cincinnati would cost me almost double in Miami! This city is crazy expensive.

Anyway, I will fill you all in on the details of the rest of my summer adventures later, but for now let me leave you with this: I went to the American Idol Concert kick-off in Ft. Lauderdale! My friend (the contestant) gave me free tickets and we sat close enough to be nearly kicked by Constantine (those of you that sadly watched the show as I did will understand this joke...to the other 99% of you reading I am sorry that this humor evades you). Anyway, the show was awful and we got to meet all of the "idols" after the show and let me tell you that Carrie Underwood is one of the least personable "stars" that I have ever met! She barely holds a conversation before just walking away, and not in a "I'm so cool that I'm too busy to talk with you," but more of a "I have no idea what's going on and would rather be by myself than talk with you" vibe. I guess that's what instant fame would do to me as well, but if it were your first concert, wouldn't you be excited....or something like that? She seemed more like a deer caught in the headlights than an up and coming pop princess....I guess we'll see.

still kickin'

2005-06-28T14:48:00.000-04:00

So as many of you who read this blog have now noticed that I have dissapeared from the face of the blogging world for a while now...it is because I have been very busy. I ended my job as the director of the Community Music School and had a very successful year-end recital. I have helped move our entire church. I have now started a new job as a support staff for DOOR's summer programs. (See www.citymissions.org if you don't know what I am talking about.) So I am working a lot (on average about 50+ hrs) during the week with each group that comes through town. I have 8 weeks to find a job and a place to live. I am going "home" to Chicago with Rocky for a week and my parents are going to have a renewing of the vows ceremony. That just about raps it up.
So pray that my job hunt ends successfully and that I can work out all the details of who/what/where/when etc. of my life this next year. We'll see.
I wish that I had time to write something entertaining...I know you are all sadly dissapointed. I promise to write something funny sometime soon! Maybe I'll have some good stories after my vacation. I hope so!

american idol...exposed

2005-05-28T01:17:00.000-04:00

Alright...so the comments from my last post warrant me spilling the little bit of knowledge I have obtained about American Idol. Okay, so it's not a big spill. Here are some obvious ones to start off:
There is no affair between Paula and any contestants.
Simon really is that rude in person.
Randy uses the word "dawg" an obscene number of times in regular conversation.
There is no such term as "pitchy" in any musical dictionary.

Here is what I learned that turned me off from the show.
From what I have come to understand the judges are given prompts on who to praise and who to slam from week to week despite performances. Also, they pretty much sold Carrie Underwood to be the best thing for country music since Garth Brooks, but she doesn't even like country....she's a total poser! (If someone singing country could be called a poser.) She just allowed American Idol to mold her into whatever they wanted her to be in order to win the show and continue to get positive feedback from the judges. I couldn't watch her after that. She has no originality and no style of her own...she is merely a pretty packaged product of premeditated production (that enough p's for you?). And now she has a record deal! I acknowledge that she can sing, but I predict that her star will burn out quite quickly (maybe even as fast as Justin Guarini from season 1!).
So sadly I will refrain from watching American Idol in the future unless I'm really bored, or being paid to watch it, or being held hostage and made to watch it, or if aliens implacted a satellite in my brain while I'm sleeping that recieves only American Idol commercials. We'll see which happens first.

congratulations miss america

2005-05-26T16:39:00.000-04:00

We (meaning the general TV viewing American public) have now crowned a new American Idol in none other than Miss Carrie Underwood, whom I have referred to since the beginning of the show as "Miss America." I am soooo glad that this whole thing is all over and done with. I used to be a big fan of American Idol before I knew the behind the scenes info that I learned from my friend who was one of the finalists. (I shall refrain from using her name just in case someone is tracking my site and looking for ways to reach the one whom shall remain nameless.) Anyway, I can say with certainty that I am no longer a huge fan of the show and have officially downgraded myself to an "if there is nothing better to do" fan. What can I say....I've grown past it. It's like the tooth fairy or the easter bunny. Once you know the facts the magic is gone forever. Now that TV land and reality have merged for me it's just not the same. So congrats to Miss America, may her reign bring about world peace.

ebay

2005-05-19T12:56:00.000-04:00

My favorite perfume is this Bath & Body Works scent called Peace. I am running out of it (amazingly enough it's lasted me about three years). The problem is that the scent was discontinued about two years ago (probably a large part of the reason why I tried to make it last as long as possible). So I decided, on a whim to go on ebay and see if there were any sites with my perfume on it. Believe it or not there was a whole page of nothing else but that discontinued perfume. Now I had never bid on anything on ebay before and was unaware of how things work, but being a quick learner I started hopping from site to site until I found what I thought was the best deal. The problem is that I am super competitive and I know that I can't buy this stuff in stores...ever. So...I bid a little more than I probably should have and am hoping that someone outbids me so that I don't end up spending a lot of money (remember I make $100/month).
This part really cracked me up. There was one person who was selling a half-used bottle for $50. And there was another person who was re-bottling (however you spell that) the perfume into smaller bottles and selling each for more than the original was worth in the store! Brilliant people I tell you....brilliant. You know the kicker of this whole thing is that those two people will probably make money. Oh the endless possibilities of the internet to sell crap to idiots with credit cards. I am such an idiot!
I think that the lesson in all of this is who cares if I run out of perfume...it's such a pointless thing anyway. I could have sponsored a child in some third-world country for a month or done something noble and worthwhile with that money. But no...I freak out thinking that somehow I NEED that perfume. What I NEED is something else to occupy my time so that I don't waste time or money on ebay.

awww...great

2005-05-16T17:47:00.000-04:00

So folks, we in South Florida just got an in depth report from the National Weather Service stating that this year's hurricane forecast looks great (if you love hurricanes...which I know you all do). Anyway, the weather folk said that this year will yeild 10-12 tropical storms and probably 5-7 hurricanes. Yeehaw!
For those of you who don't know my new and continuing interaction with hurricanes started back when I moved to Miami (see last September in my older blogs). I was greeted into this tropical paradise by the mighty winds of hurricanes Frances, Ivan, and Jeanne. It was a lovely way to begin anew- stocking up on canned goods, filling every available container with water, closing shutters, moving furniture, filling my car with gas at every station that wasn't already out of gas and didn't have a line around the block! Let me tell ya, I was LOVING Miami! Now we're heading into season #2. Will there be as much excitement as last season? Will it be worse? Will Rachel and Ross ever get together? We'll find out....after the break.

welcome back blogger

2005-05-13T12:10:00.000-04:00

Welcome back my blogging friends. I know that I have about two weeks of absences to excuse, but I have good reasons for not blogging. One or many of these may or may not be true. Good luck guessing which one is which:
a. I was too busy sleeping.
b. I tried to blog, but it got erased.
c. My dog ate it.
d. I didn't have anything to blog about.
e. I was too busy eating.
f. I got a new blog.
g. I don't like blogging anymore.
h. I've developed a phobia of blogging.
i. I've sprained my blog.
j. My computer caught on fire.
k. I lit my computer on fire.
l. I have a phobia of computers.
m. *%$%$@#!%$&^&&!!!

Clearly I've completely lost my mind.

decision 2005

2005-04-25T17:28:00.000-04:00

These are my decisions for now (in no particular order of importance):

1. I am turning down UIC.
2. I will eat salmon for dinner.
3. I am deferring NYU until next fall.
4. I will not shave my head. I wasn't considering this, but I just thought I would let everyone know.
5. I will stay in Miami for next year.
6. I will hope that things will all work out.

this just in...

2005-04-19T22:28:00.000-04:00

Alright folks, the time of truth has come. I have recieved letters from two of the four schools I have applied to for the fall and ......I AM ACCEPTED!!! That's right, there aren't enough capital letters or exclamation marks on this keyboard to express how happy and suprised I was to hear that I have been accepted to both UIC (University of Illinois- Chicago) and NYU (New York University). I was very nervous, as many of you know, becuase there was a faulty mark on my graduate school transcript...but that didn't seem to matter so much. Now comes the daunting task of choosing. I have two weeks to decide on these schools. Back to everyones favorite game, If...Then (which most recently has become my favorite game to play whenever I have time on my hands).

IF I accept the spot at UIC.....THEN I will need to haul everything that I have acquired in Miami back up to the midwest (hopefully including one boyfriend to follow later).

IF I accept the spot at NYU...THEN I will need to somehow magically transfer myself and all my belongings to New York City and somehow find a place to live that I can afford to pay with my imaginary money (and once again, idealy the boyfriend would follow).

IF I defer my acceptance to NYU...THEN I can stay in Miami for another year (with above mentioned boyfriend) and make some sweet moola so that I wouldn't have to do something illegal in order to afford an apartment in NYC.

IF I decide not to go to school at all...THEN I could find some job that would keep me reasonably happy for a certain amount of time with some vague sense of job stability.

IF I turn down both UIC and NYU....THEN I could hope that I would get accepted to Barry University and I could stay in Miami (once again with said boyfriend).

IF I turn down both UIC and NYU, and I am NOT accepted to Barry....THEN I will be very upset to say the least and I have no idea what I would do next except continue practicing rolling my "R's" (I really sound stupid trying).

IF Boston University accepts me....THEN I still won't go there and still won't know quite why I applied other than the fact that they bought me dinner one night and I really liked their program.

IF I decide to avoid all of this entirely....THEN I will sell my car and use the money to fly to Europe with a backpack and become one of those hopeless wandering student romantics that you hear about in novels.

Feel free to add on any IF....THENs that you feel would be enjoyable. I'll continue in my little head to filter through all of these until something actually makes sense.

birthdays are overrated

2005-04-07T17:02:00.000-04:00

In response to Eric Bryant's attack on my memory (which all should know by now is falty at best) of people's birthdays, I feel as though I need a little clarity. So post your birthdays for me so that all may know the truth. My birthday is July 27th.

if....then

2005-03-31T18:56:00.000-05:00

Let's play a little game of mine called if....then:

IF I find a grant to fund the director position next year for the community music school.....THEN I might actually be paid for what I'm already doing.

IF I finally get my transcript corrected from UC.....THEN I might actually get a scholarship to one of the four schools that I have applied to for the fall.

IF I even get accepted to any of the schools that I have applied to.....THEN I will either be living in one of four major cities: Chicago, New York, Boston, or Miami.

IF I sit on my hands for much longer without knowing where I am going.....THEN I might just loose it altogether and bum around for a little while.

IF I become a bum....THEN I think I would like to live somewhere warm and welcoming like San Fransisco.

IF I don't loose it and become a bum, or go to school, or find a grant to fund my current position....THEN I may just find some dead end job somewhere and waste away (or spend my days blogging).

What to do next? I have no idea! I need some ice cream.....FAST!

celebrity phone calls?

2005-03-31T00:19:00.000-05:00

Alright, a little side story for your reading enjoyment. While chilling with some of my friends at work the other day Richard (my supervisor) recieves a phone call from a friend. This is not any friend but GARTH BROOKS! Garth just called Richard back about a proposal to help support our soon to be homeless church. Who knows, maybe he'll put out a million or so to help us by a building. The crazy part is that later that night our friend on American Idol, Nadia Turner had her buddy Bo Bice call my co-worker Ali (who has a big crush on Bo) and they have a brief conversation.
I would like to know what is up with all the celebrity and psuedo-celebrity phone calls going on at my office. But mostly I would like to know why no one famous is calling me? The only person that called me while at work was my mom! It's official...I am not cool. Oh well.

my life version 24.8

2005-03-18T11:05:00.001-05:00

Alrighty folks. I know that you have all been glued to your computer screens in anticipation of my next post....so I would hate to let you down and post something utterly lame and barely worth the time that it took you to read it, but what can I say...my life is not that interesting.
So, here is a list of things going on in my life right now, I'll fill in the details later (maybe).

1. I am still living in Miami for a year of missionary service which ends in August.
2. The music school that I direct is full (40 students total) and it keeps me busy. I'm even teaching a clarinet student! I knew that those ten years in band weren't completely useless. Thanks Mr. Riddle!
3. The church that I go to (The Lighthouse) needs to find another building to move into in less than three months! Our contract with the United Methodist Church runs out then and we don't really know what is going to happen to us next. Please pray for wisdom for all the leaders.
4. My roomates and I am going to camp this weekend with 150 city kids from all over Miami. Pray for us and for the camp as a whole. It's called Oasis.
5. I need to raise about $1000 in support to cover my expenses for the rest of the year. This is still the remainder from my fundraising that I started almost a year ago.
6. My applications are in for UIC (University of Illinois-Chicago), BU (Boston University), and NYU (New York University) are all in and I haven't heard a word from any of them.
7. I am also applying to Barry University (in Miami), but haven't finished that application.
8. At camp this weekend I am teaching a class to middle and high school girls about sex in the Bible....that should be interesting!
9. My parents came to visit last week and I am still recovering from being Miss Tour Guide Miami 2005. We did a lot of fun stuff, but I was very tired by the time they left.
10. I have no idea where I will be, what I will be doing, or how I will provide for myself in about 5 months! But I'm kind of used to life like this. I'll let you know when any decisions are made.
11. I finally got my car window fixed from about two months ago when someone broke into my car and stole my radio and all my CD's. Now all I need is a new radio and CD's to play in it!!
12. There is currently an elementary school field day taking place in my backyard as I type. Miami is crazy!

That's about all that I can think of right now. I hope that you enjoy!

response to eric bryant

2005-02-24T14:23:00.000-05:00

In response to my blog about Groundhog's day being the funniest American holiday becuase it revolved around a rodent, Eric Bryant quickly pointed out that Easter (the secularized version) is also somewhat about a rodent and therefore deserving of notice for its hilarity.

I agree with Eric about the Easter bunny. I think the whole idea is ridiculous. A giant bunny that delivers candy is pretty far out...who thought of that in the first place? The whole idea used to freak me out as a kid. I mean what if the bunny got mad...that thing could be easily big enough to bite off an arm or something. Think about it. Innocent children being subjected to something potentially dangerous. We even teach them to go and sit on the lap of strangers (but only if they are dressed in ridiculous outfits kids). Otherwise it could be dangerous. What are we teaching our children? Don't go to that stranger unless they look stupid and I am taking a picture of you! Then it's perfectly fine! "No little Billy, that man is dangerous because he looks normal. This person is fine becuase they are desperate enough to wear a giant pink bunny outfit and have strange kids sit on their laps all day, plus all the other little kids are doing it....say cheese!"

my life is a runaway hamster

2005-02-21T13:40:00.000-05:00

I'm not even sure what that analogy means but right now it seems to fit. I am swamped for the first time since moving to Miami. I feel that all aspects of my life: professional, social, physical, spiritual, etc., are coming to a critical apex and somehow I need to filter through all of the things in front of me and make a decision about what to do next.

That's right kids it "Juliet's annual freak out because she doesn't know what she is doing next in her life" time. Yeeeaaaahhhh!!! Brought to you this year by grad school applications, and the impending 25 birthday mark. As well as by a new boyfriend named Rocky.

That's right folks, I dropped the "b" word. I started dating, about a month ago, a nice young man named Rocky Yera. If you're really interested you could google his name and I'm sure something interesting would come up. He is a saxophone player and a member of our church band. I like him and you should too. I'm sure there is more to come...

Other than that I am applying to grad schools for my Master's of Social Work. The lucky winners of my application are.....(drum roll please)......
University of Illinois-Chicago
New York University
Boston University
and either Barry University or Florida International University (both in Miami).

My placement here in Miami at the music school is getting crazier and crazier. But the school is growing and the students we are recieving are very talented and dedicated kids. I am very excited. Now I am searching for funding for our program. If anyone knows of any grants out there for Christian youth music programs than let me know. Thanks!

I got to spend a great week in Illinois recruiting for PCUSA and DOOR (the two programs I am working through this year). I went back to LCC for the week of worldwide witness and even got to lead a workshop with one of my current roomates Erin. We had a great time. I got to see friends and eat First Wok and talk about life. I also got to spend some quality time with the family, and celebrated my dad's b-day. It was a great trip, but I felt like I was squeezing a phenominal amount of people and places in a week and came back encouraged but exhausted.

One last thing before I wrap up this really long blog. I have a friend. Her name is Nadia Turner. She sings in our church band and she is now one of 24 finalists on American Idol. Those of you who know me well realize that I am a big fan of this show and I would really appreciate it if you would subject yourselves (on my behalf) to watch and vote for Nadia on Tuesday night on Fox. I know most of you won't....but she is an amazing singer and is a great Christian role model. Vote for her! (please)

happy day after groundhog's day!

2005-02-03T18:17:00.000-05:00

So I am so sad becuase I forgot that it was groundhog's day yesterday until about 11:30pm last night. I CANNOT believe that I missed what I believe is the funniest holiday on the American calendar. I mean seriously, what other holiday revolves around a furry rodent? You have endless potential for fun right there alone. You've got the sun, the hole, the groundhog....it's craziness. I love it! And I missed it. It might take me a while to recover from this one folks. I'll keep you posted.

the journeys continue

2005-01-30T22:04:00.000-05:00

I have now returned from a weekend stint at clergy kids camp 2005! This was a camp designed for Methodist PK's to come and meet fellow PK's and have fun. I went with the band to this beautiful camp in Leesburg, FL (and if you can tell me where that is I'll give you a dollar....okay a quarter, I'm cheap). It was a great weekend for fellowship with the band members. I hadn't been on a band trip in a few months and really missed the time with the kids and getting the opportunity to bond. We arm wrestled and quoted Napolean Dynamite and just goofed around together a lot. I also got to be a cabin mom for the high school girls cabin and I had a lot of fun meeting all of them.
Oh, I almost forgot about the freakiest part of the whole weekend. Last night I was getting ready for bed and one of the campers comes into the bathroom as well. I had been watching her throughout the day becuase she reminded me of someone and I couldn't put my finger on it. Finally it clicked that she looked just like a girl named Esther that I went to LCC with my first couple of years. So I tell her in a lighthearted way that she reminds me of a girl I went to school with named Esther and asked her if she was Haitian (becuase Esther is). She gets this really odd look on her face and asks me where I went to school (now remember folks I'm in the middle of nowhere in Florida and I'm thinking that this girl probably doesn't even know where IL is on a map....most people down here just see the Midwest as an avoidable blob of states). I say, "Oh a little school called Lincoln Christian College in Illinois...you've probably never heard of it before." Then she thinks for a second and says to me, "that is where my sister Esther went!!" How crazy is that? The Christian world is so tiny sometimes it really does feel like a family....and I love it when that happens.
Anyway...good trip. Fun had by all. Lots of great prayer and conversation. I loved it.

road trip recovery

2005-01-17T23:33:00.000-05:00

So today was the first day that I felt fully recovered from one of the craziest road trips...ever. Richard (my supervisor) and I drove to Pittsburgh to pick up Ali (the girl who had my job last year and is returning to continue working at the Lighthouse). Anyway...now that everyone is completly confused about the whos and whys of the trip, let me explain the trip to you.

Sunday night (jan 9)- Richard and I decide that we should leave at night and drive through instead of leaving in the morning. I decide to take a nap and wait until Richard calls me to wake me up and say we are leaving.

Monday morning (jan 10)- Richard calls at 2AM to say that we are leaving. I take a shower. I get to his house and we need to unload the contents of our band trailer in order to take the empty trailer with us to Pittsburgh. We leave at about 3:30AM.

Monday night (still jan 10)- We emerge from the van at about 9:30PM in Washington D.C. and have "dinner" at Richard's parents house. We leave again at 11PM to drive the rest of the way to Pittsburgh.

Tuesday morning (jan 11)- We arrive in Pittsburgh at 3AM. I am asleep by 3:30.

Tuesday afternoon (jan11)- We wake up at noon and begin to pack the entire contents of Ali's apartment into the van and trailer. We stop to eat stromboli (that Ali's mom made for us)...we finish packing by 3PM.

Tuesday evening- I leave Pittsburgh at about 4PM towards Cincinnati to visit my really funny and entertaining friends (and their respective children). I finally get to Cincy about 9:00PM. Richard calls me a little after that to tell me that Ali and him will not be joining me in Cincy, but will continue towards Miami. I will pick up someone in South Carolina and continue the rest of the way to Miami and meet them there. I agree.

Tuesday evening- It's now about 11:30 and I go to get the bags out of Ali's car (which I drove from Pittsburg) and realize that the key is not on the keychain. I flip out.

Wednesday morning (early)- After searching the Wentz's house, lawn and street (and an unsuccessful break-in attempt by John using a coat hanger- don't believe everything that you see in the movies kids) I decide to go to sleep and figure things out in the morning.

Wednesday morning- It's 4AM and I wake up absolutely panicked realizing two important things. #1: I don't know where the key is to the car that I need to drive to Miami and the car is not mine; and more importantly #2: I am going to pick up a guy that I have met once in hickville South Carolina and then trust him to drive me through the middle of the night on the way to Miami. I flip out again. I call Richard...no answer. I call Richard...no answer. I call Richard about 10 times in a row....he answers. I explain the situation and he calms me down saying we can stay at his friends church in Jacksonville. I fall asleep.

Wednesday morning- Still no key. I hang out with friends in Cincy while trying to figure out what to do next. Turned out Richard had gotten tired driving and they stopped at 7AM in Charlotte, NC. Through random conversations it is decided to call a locksmith, get on the road and then meet up in South Carolina, and pick up Kevin. We end up calling a locksmith (and by "we" I mean John Wentz). Hurrah....the key is found. I decide to celebrate by going out to lunch. mmmmm....lunch.

Wednesday afternoon- I leave Cincy at 2PM....I am in Columbia, SC at 9:00PM. Who knew it only took 7 hours? Certainly not mapquest. Sillly mapquest, they said it would take 8.5 hours.

Wednesday night- Pick up the dude (Kevin) at a Hardee's off of exit 110. Meet Richard and Ali at exit 119. Switch cars and sleep until Thursday. We drive through the night towards Miami.

Thursday morning- I am woken up at 4AM to finish driving Ali's car. I drive through the sunrise. Dude gets dropped off in Ft. Lauderdale. I drive home in Miami rush-hour traffic....not happy. I get home at about 9:10. I am sleeping by 9:20.

So in three days I covered 3/4 of the eastern US...ten states in all. Ali is moved in to Miami. All is at peace. And I don't have to go on another road trip for a month. Yeah!

THE END

back to "normal"

2005-01-07T15:46:00.000-05:00

So I'm back in Miami after a fantastic week in Chicagoland visiting my family and friends. I had a great time at home and even enjoyed the cold weather for a week. I feel refreshed and ready to face the challenges of ministry again. Being at "home" really reminded me that I love Chicago and of all the places that I could choose to live, it would be #1. Even with the freezing winters. But I really have no idea where I'll be a year from now. If you would have asked me last year where I would have been now, I would have no idea I'ld be in Miami of all places. So we'll see what happens next. I submitted my first grad school app while I was home. I feel like throwing a party for myself just for conquering my huge fear of re-applying to programs. I don't know if I'll get accepted, or if I'll get any type of scholarship...but I'm trying and to me that's a big deal.

going home

2004-12-19T13:27:00.000-05:00

Since Eric Bryant currently stole my last funny blog (see link to Eric on side) I shall continue to do what I do best....ramble about my life.
I am three days away from flying home for Christmas and I feel like a little kid I'm so excited. Even though Miami weather is awesome and I have some good friends here, it's not home to me. There are certain people who like to have a home base and I am one of them. I remember the first week that I spent far away from home (and not at grandma's) was at church camp. Rock River Christian Camp became one of my favorite places, but I was not too happy that first time. I got so homesick the first night that I threw up all over my cabin. I don't throw up anymore, but the general homesick feeling still comes back every once and a while. I just like the feeling of home- somewhere that you know and that knows you. "Where everybody knows your name...." It brings me a certain amount of joy and peace, and a large amount of comfort, to know that I am "home." I can't wait!

finish the quote...

2004-11-30T17:00:00.000-05:00

WASHINGTON (AP) - Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge, whose name became synonymous with color-coded terror alerts and tutorials about how to prepare for possible attack, resigned Tuesday, saying...

possible suggestions:

a. "I thought I would go into the peace corps for a while."
b. "This color coding thing really isn't my bag, baby."
c. "I ran out of duct tape."
d. "I ran out of plastic."
e. "I ran out of both duct tape and plastic."
f. "I have stockpiled both duct tape and plastic and am moving to Canada."

Please feel free to add any other possible endings. This is after all a free blogging community.

the house

2004-11-26T14:46:00.000-05:00

I am now, for your reading enjoyment and my entertainment, going to make a list of things that have happened in our house in Miami since we moved in.
1. No hot water for the first two weeks. Found out there were not one, but two huge leaks in our house. It required a jackhammer to fix properly.
2. The "good" shower was continually being coated with a fresh batch of worms daily.
3. Ants...Ants....Ants....and more Ants. They officially own the house. We are their new tenants. Hopefully we can coexist in peace. And by that I mean that I can single handedly wipe out the entire colony so they will stop running all over our kitchen.
4. Rats. In the garage. In the ceiling. In the walls. I guess they got along with the ants just fine.
5. Cockroaches the size of you index finger. I'm not making this up or overexagerating. They are freakin' huge! One of them began talking to me with a Cuban accent. Okay, that I made up.
6. Termites in the baseboards and generally all over anything else made of wood in the house. The ants tolerate them as well I suppose.
7. Blocked up pipes due to roots that are growing where else but under our street. Which would require a little more than a jackhammer to fix.
8. A front door that fell off. That's right....it just fell completely off the house one day. Termites had eaten it all the way through. It finally got cleaned up today after laying in the front yard for two weeks.
9. One house tenting early this month which officially killed everything living thing in the house. Hoorah!!!
10. However, the tenters did not remove the dead pests after they pumped our house full of who knows how many chemicals. Therefore our house reaked of dead rats for about two weeks or so.
11. The ants did not die. Obviously they are smarter than us, this much is clear. I think the tenting experience just pissed them off becuase there are now more than ever.
12. The house is now filling up with flies becuase of the dead rats. I think that they made a deal with the ants.

Who knows what else will happen throughout the year. I'll keep you posted. That is unless the ants decide that I should not.

i am applying

2004-11-26T14:22:00.000-05:00

Alright folks. I know that you have all been sitting at home watching in anticipation of this announcement. YES, I am applying to grad schools! I have decided to just go for it and hope for the best. I have been sitting on many of these applications for quite some time now. Some of these programs I have been considering since before I went to grad school the first time! I will be applying for my MSW (Masters in Social Work). So far the schools to make the cut are UIC (University of Illinois Chicago), Loyola (Chicago), NYU (New York), and possibly BU (Boston). That was in order of preference for those of you who are really interested. Tune in two months from now when a live studio audience will be voting on which school should choose me. If I make it past this next round I MAY win $10,000. Or I may loose the $200+ that I'm having to shell out for these things when it's all said and done. Wish me more than luck. I need it.

unwittingly drafted

2004-11-09T22:51:00.000-05:00

I had a revelation the other day that I am now "in ministry." Someone here referred to me as a missionary when introducing me to one of their friends. Somehow this thought hadn't occurred to me prior to this encounter. A missionary? Me? I'm just a grad-school drop-out who was sick of working her two dead-end food service jobs and not feeling like she was going to make a difference in the world by serving random people pasta. I'm no missionary. And then it hit me, I raised my own support, I'm working through a church, I'm living in Christian community
....awwww crap, I'm a missionary. How did that happen? It seemed odd to me that I had never thought of it that way. I saw this year as an opportunity to try something new, stretch my wings, and by the way help some people...but I never really intended on being labled a missionary. Isn't missions something that someone is specifically called to, perhaps a major in bible college? But certainly not something someone realizes they already are?
I always said while at LCC that I would never work in a church. I don't like churches that much as far as the institutional standpoint. I see preachers who are stomped on by their congregations and placed under unrealistic scrutiny by their parishoners and I never wanted to be a part of that system. I want to do ministry without the problems and expectations of a "church." I guess that's kind of what I'm doing here as a "missionary." I work as a community music school director and that basically means that I function as an adminstrator, a secretary, an assistant, a facilitator, a teacher, a mentor, and a friend to many. It's a very ambiguous role that is sometimes confusing and sometimes perfect. In my quest to thwart the traditional institution roles of the church I have unwittingly been drafted as a "missionary."

And to top it all off, now I'm thinking about Seminary...yet another thing I said that I would not do when I graduated from bible college. It seems as though God has a way of getting me to do things that I seemingly didn't want to do.

Let us keep testing this theory...I never want to marry a Godly, handsome, charming, intelligent man.

Bring it!

i'm not whining

2004-11-04T21:54:00.000-05:00

So I realized while filtering through my last few entries that I am an utter and complete whiner. I have written mostly negative things on this blog for the past two months. For those of you not keeping track that is about the same amount of time that I have been in Miami. However, this weekend really changed a lot for me. I had an unexpectantly great weekend traveling with our high school band Drive to a small country church outside of Tampa. I wasn't looking forward to it, infact I was pissed that I had to leave at 2am and wouldn't arrive at our destination until 8am! I was already exhausted from the week and didn't feel like not sleeping for a weekend.
But when I woke up and stumbled out of the van it was as if I had been transported to another world. A world with trees and small white country churches and sweet poeple who cooked us biscuits and gravy for breakfast with eggs and fresh squeezed orange juice. I laughed with the band members and we played and sang and enjoyed the company of cordial country folk along with their homemade pumpkin pies. I felt like I had gone back in time where people actually knew their neighbors and there was a sense of love, if not that of mutual understanding. I felt safe and comfortable and peaceful all at once. And then it came to me.... I like the country. I would have never said that say, three months ago, but there is an overwhelming peace when you are somewhere quiet and open and green. Now don't get me wrong, I'm still a city-loving girl...but a calming trip to the country every once and while is soothing to say the least.
Anyway, I had a great ride back to Miami, most of which I spent laughing and I felt mostly refreshed and ready to tackle the loud and busy city once again. I was once again taught that God often works in ways we don't expect. I didn't expect to enjoy this weekend. I expected to be worn out and exhausted and crabby and annoyed. But God had in mind amazing peace and joy and fellowship. I am glad to say that the whiner did not triumph. For once cynicism did not get the best of me. Amen.

i hate money

2004-10-27T16:57:00.000-04:00

I'm not in a very good mood right now, unfortunatly. I have just found out that my account at 5/3 is frozen and my electronically debited student loan is now officially overdue. I'm sure it's not as big a deal as it sounds and that it will all get taken care of and that everything will work out fine, but I can't help but feel a little defeated. Right now i am living on a VERY fixed budget and I can't afford to make any financial mistakes that may cost me any extra money (i.e. missing payments and making late fees). When news like this comes I feel utterly helpless and unprepared and incompetent and I hate it!!! It's times like this that make waitressing sound appealing becuase I could work one night and make up for any financial gliches. However, this time I can't rely on myself to fix this problem. I know that I will learn a lot, but I don't like it. I like being able to fix things, especially when it comes to myself. I like being self-sufficient and not having to rely on anyone or anything else. "This goddess can and will stay intact!" For those of you who aren't Katharine Hepburn fans, that is a quote from the Philidelphia Story. But it is in our weakness that God's grace and providence is made clearer. Now matter how much we like to do it all ourselves, sometimes he'll give us a little kick to remind us of who is in charge. Ouch! I get it.

why am i still awake?

2004-10-20T02:25:00.000-04:00

Seriously, it's 2:30 am and I am wide awake. I am more awake now than I was at say....6pm! Maybe it's the cuban coffee racing through my veins (honestly I think they put speed in that stuff or something). Maybe it's the fact that I didn't get out of bed until about 11am. Maybe it's becuase I am becoming some sort of nocturnal freak who, after a certain amount of time, will have the same sleeping patterns as my chinchilla or the rats who inhabit our roof. Or maybe, just maybe, God wants to keep me up so that I can battle these demons called anxiety.

It's been a month since I last freaked out about grad school apps, so I guess a good freak out session is due about.....let's see.....NOW. It's been a month and I am still no closer to knowing the where or when or how of the next year of my life. Do I fill out these applications with the vague sense that graduate school is the logical succession in a carreer of help services, more specifically social work, or do I wait for more clarity? Is this an issue of trust that God will provide what I need when I need it, or is this a test to see if I will impose my will and desire upon His design for my life? I have no idea. All I know is that whenever I think about these dreaded applications I want to employ everything in my power to avoid it for just a little bit longer. "Maybe the situation will resolve itself," I think. Well, if I don't apply soon the situation will resolve itself clearly in one direction- no opportunity for any graduate assistance...meaning massive debt for a profession that will never lead me to wealth of any sort. So pray for me my blog-reading friends. I need some resolution, and I need it quickly. Lord help me I just don't know what to do.

i'm not quite dead yet

2004-10-18T14:40:00.000-04:00

Anyway, things are going a lot smoother here now, I am VERY happy to say. I came back from a retreat that we (all the national volunteers) had in Colorado and I had a lot more peace and encouragment about my situation here. It was just nice to vent to people who knew my situation and understood that my ministry here is difficult and really hard work sometimes. It made me feel like I wasn't alone or that I wasn't catching on, but that it would be hard for anyone and I have a lot of support! Plus I just really had awesome time with God and got to straighten some things out on that end that brought me great peace. It was phenominal. I think that I want to move to Colorado! I love it out there so much. It's so peaceful and open. The air is cleaner and there are trees and wild animals....and no traffic and lights and noise and Spanish-speaking people everywhere! And absolutely no hurricanes!
But that retreat was two weeks ago now and I have been running here ever since. I think that I have the hang of things as far as the music school goes and I'll have it fine-tuned soon enough. The best thing is the people here. I get to hang out with really funny musicians almost every night, sometimes until 4am! I also love my roomates. There are four of us, all women, in a fairly large house and I love it. Now we have a new addition....our puppy Gustavo, Gus for short. They are the reason that I didn't pack up and ship back to Chicago during my first month here. We get together and watch movies and eat chocolate chip pancakes or cookie dough and talk about life here and the things that are going well, and the things that suck. It reminds me of college when the B-1 girls would all get together and have deep discussions about life or just rant about absolutely nothing. Community is so important to me and I feel like I have a great one here in Miami. What a huge blessing!

Thanks to all of you who sent encouragement to me during this transition. I really needed it! I have the best friends ever!

More later, but right now I have to actually work. Whatever.

i'm a bloggin slacker

2004-10-07T01:12:00.000-04:00

So I realize that since moving to Miami I haven't blogged as much as I used to in Cincy. Well, to start, I don't sit in front of a computer as much as I did in Cincy. So back off!! Just kidding.

The truth is that this has probably been one of the most confusing and frustrating orientations of my life. I haven't even had the words to describe how I have felt or what is going on. Hurricanes have caused delays and miscommunications. It was only today that I finally sat down with my supervisor and nailed down my job responsibilities. I have only been able to get to the music school, that I am supposedly in charge of, one Saturday out of five. I still have so much more to learn about why I am here and what I am supposed to be doing. There is this anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach that I can't shake.

There is so much of me that just wants to come in for a year and be the best intern that has ever come through the program. I would wip the music school into shape and have it be the best outreach ministry in Miami. I would make a big scene and everyone would love me and I would feel useful. But it would all be useless. It would all be smoke and mirrors and my heart wouldn't be in it. It would only be the shell of a person who is struggling to feel passion for anything right now. It would all just be for show.

The truth is that I really care for the people that are involved in the music school. I especially see a need for a strong woman role model for many of these girls. But I don't know if I can do this. I feel so lost in Miami, so not fully myself that the thought of being someone's role model is extremely intimidating. I know that leaders have faults as well and I need to be vulnerable in order to be an honest leader in this situation, but I'm sad and I feel useless and I really just want to be by myself most of the time.

Maybe it will just take time to be happy here and to feel like myself again. But right now everything is a battle and I wear out pretty quickly. I'm just not sure if I can do this. Maybe that's the point.

hurricane top ten

2004-09-25T13:57:00.000-04:00

So as many of you might have expected, another hurricane is now going to hit Florida. I'm kind of dissapointed becuase it seems as though it will miss Miami once again and hit a little north of us...but who knows we might get lucky and actually have some damage this time. Seriously, it's becoming a weekend gag. Someone on the radio yesterday said, "It's the weekend. You all know what that means...time for another hurricane." There are some benefits of hurricanes that I have experienced. So in honor of our tropical friend the hurricane...a top ten list:

1. You get to be lazy and sit around the house all day.
2. You have a good excuse to eat most everything in your fridge becuase the electricity might go out any moment.
3. You get to spend time catching up on a good book or blogging.
4. You learn how to put your shutters down, then up, then down, then up, then down one more time.
5. It's a great excuse for a party!
6. You get to mock news anchors who try to pretend that they know what they are talking about, but are really just stalling for time in between weather updates.
7. Becuase the shutters are down you can sleep any time of day or night without annoying sunshine waking you up.
8. No school.
9. Less traffic becuaese only idiots are out on the roads.
10. The possiblity of random looting could help you score that new laptop.

I'll let you know how this hurricane ends up. Jeanne is her name and right now she is occupied with slamming the Bahamas. For the most part though I'll probably be bored out of my mind and sick of sitting inside in the darkness. As soon as I can I'm going to the beach.

back to school?

2004-09-17T21:27:00.000-04:00

So earlier this week I began the seasonal freak-out session. This is the time of year where- by every good student goes back to school. I was a good student once, or atleast I thought I was; and I want to go back to school....atleast I think I do. I stayed up one night this week until 3AM looking at grad schools online and sending e-mails requesting information. The thought of filling out applications, writing essays, getting my recommendations straightened away, etc. gives me this tense feeling in my stomach and I'm pretty sure I would rather throw-up than go through the experience of graduate school pomp and circumstance again. I jumped into grad school the first time rather unprepared and unsure of myself. I thought that a year and a half to straighten myself out would be enough...but obviously it is not becuase I really don't feel that much more sure of myself. I need a sign, some motivation...something to help me feel like applying again would be a success and worth my while. More than that I need confirmation that going back to school is what God really wants for my life right now and that I'm not forcing something becuase I am stubborn and proud. I need some ice cream.

hit me baby one more time

2004-09-09T11:33:00.000-04:00

The rumors are true, there is yet another massive hurricane coming towards Florida called Ivan. Atleast Ivan sounds scarier than Frances. Seriously, who name a natural disaster Frances...that's not scary at all. Someone needs to have a list of non-scary names at hand at the National Weather Service offices so that this doesn't happen again. Anyway...hurricane number two in my first week of living in Miami. I'm starting to take this personally. All I have to say is that right now I am in the mood for a fight, so bring it Ivan.
Other than hurricanes, I have had lots of small adventures in Miami. We have spent time on the beach (which is awesome). I have completely moving into my new house. Thoughts on the house will follow becuase I have a lot to say about it. I have to work at being positive about it so I'm not going to write about that now. I started my new job as the director of the Community Music School. I think that I'll really like the job, although it too comes with complications. I've met tons of cool people and learned a little more about my neighborhood. Last night my roomies and I walked about a mile to Yambo's for dinner. It's this awesome Nicaraguan diner that is like a tacky roadside stand...but it rocks!! Good food fast and cheap...just the way I like it. So even though there are a lot of things that I can whine about right now I'm trying to be positive and productive. I'll whine later I'm sure.
Those of you who are in Cincy I miss you like crazy. I keep feeling like I am on vacation and that I'll be back home soon. I can't write about it or I will start crying. More later.

i'm a survivor

2004-09-08T14:47:00.000-04:00

Well, as many of you know a hurricane made it's slow way through Florida this past week. It was an interesting event, but in my opinion mostly media hype. Originally we were told that Frances was going to pretty much anialate the eastern side of Florida and may hit Miami dead on. But it was a slow moving storm and after beating down on the Bahamas for three days was downgraded to a level 2 hurricane...no biggie, but still a hurricane. So my three roomates and I all spent the weekend in lock down at our supervisors house eating and singing and watching movies...it was a hurricane party. We had like a 5 day weekend, but since all of Miami was boarded up in anticipation of a hurricane beat down we just stayed at the house. But it was a great time to relax and bond with each other. I think that the house is going to survive just fine this year becuase we all get along really well. I'll hopefully learn how to post pictures on this thing soon and then all of you can see my new crib and my new homies. Until then peace out.

who is it?

2004-09-02T19:42:00.000-04:00

So I have moved into my Miami home as of yesterday. Just in time to experience what most newscasters are calling the greatest hurricane to hit Miami since Andrew in '92. My new roomies and I were sitting on the couch watching the orange swirl of impending doom come closer and closer to our new found home in absolute stupor. Most of us are from the Midwest...what do you do in a hurricane??? I have no idea. So we just decided to make it funny. Someone knocked on the door and a girl yells, "Don't answer it...it's the hurricane." Hurricane Frances is now a running gag in the house. I have a feeling (you know if the house survives) that we will make this a joke for the rest of the year. Who didn't do the dishes? Frances. Who left their dirty towels on the floor? Frances. Who will most likely wipe out the eastern coast of Florida? Frances. Who knows....this thing hasn't hit yet. I'll fill you in later.

last stand

2004-08-22T21:36:00.000-04:00

This morning I said good-bye to the church that has been my home church for three years. I have been on the verge of tears all day. I have been distracting myself enough that I don't break down, but it's hard. I will miss so many people that have become such a big part of my life it makes me so sad. I love this community. I love summer sundays and lunches after church. I love Saturday afternoon worship team practices. I love that it's freezing in the winter and sizzling in the summer. I love the ambulances that always seem to pass by during communion time. I love the hugs and smiles and warmth and love that so many people have lavished upon me. I love the support that I have gotten during these difficult, confusing, and often frustrating three years. I love that I got to give back to something and see the difference that it made. I love this church and the people that go here and I will miss it more than I can say. This community is unlike any that I have ever been involved with and that is so precious to me. I am sorry that I didn't appreciate it more and that often times my life frustrations distracted me. However, I will never forget this amazing place and the people that make it so alive. God bless you all as you continue to grow and reach out to those around you. May God give you wisdom, peace and joy always. May he guide your decisions and be ever present through your lives. I will miss you, but may we see each other again soon!

nothing to say

2004-08-18T14:16:00.000-04:00

I found myself at a funeral this morning. My roomate's father died this past Saturday from a struggle with cancer. It was a Catholic funeral, which is always just a little foreign for me since I am not Catholic. However, despite the differences in litergy it made me weep. I don't understand all the pain in the world. I wish that I knew what to say right now. I wish I could help my friend more. I wish that people didn't die. I wish that we didn't have to grieve the loss of someone that we love...but it is part of life. Somehow it always overcomes me with sadness and a sense of awe that life is never really ours to control. We are going to die someday and we can't do anything to stop that. My grandparents will die, my parents will die, my children will die (if I ever have any). Someday, hopefully later rather than sooner, I will die as well.
I don't mean for this blog to be so depressing, but this is what I am wading through right now. Life is never ours to orchestrate. We act so many times like it is all under our control, but it's not. This time of life always challenges my faith as well. Do I really believe what I say I believe enough to state my life on it? I say that I do, but there is always a seed of doubt or disbelief in the back of my mind tempting me to say that I can go through life on my own. Lord help me make sense of this all.

moving sucks

2004-08-16T13:09:00.000-04:00

I'm in the process right now of settling all that needs to be settled before I head out of Cincinnati (again). I have been in the process of moving WAY to many times in the past few years. To be precise, I have moved 5 times in the past two years. I am tired of moving. Mind you that the past three moves have been within the same city, but it's still a matter of packing, unpacking, settling, and re-packing again. This is the one apartment that I have felt is like a home to me. It is my place. My roomie and I have decorated. Things are actually coordinated to match, like a grown-up apartment. I have crap in every room of the apartment except my roomate's bedroom. I have settled here. Honestly, it's the first time that I have called Cincinnati "home" in the three years that I have lived here...and now I am moving away. I knew that this would be a challenge when I accepted a mission in Miami, FL..but it's still hard and I don't like it.

sauce the cat returns

2004-08-12T07:40:00.000-04:00

For the folks who are just tuning in please refer to "sauce the cat" posted on August 4th for a full explanation of the events preceding this blog.
Sauce the cat has returned!! Yes that prodigal cat of Buca di Beppo has now been placed back at her rightful place, but not after quite a fight. Apparently some of Sauce's captors decided to write a ransom note to the managers of the restaurant that was not recieved well. The general manager, or "paisano" as they are called in Buca language, said that the note was in bad taste and "nearly criminal" in intent. The note included the ransom conditions that in order to get the cat back they must "whack" a member of the management team. Rumor has it that one of the managers took the note to be so threatening as to cry himself to sleep that night. This rumor is unconfirmed officially, but is definately funny enough to be posted on this blog! Imagine crying yourself to sleep over a ransom note for a 2' porcelain cat!! I mean seriously, that's just stupid.

Well, whether or not he cried himself to sleep or not this same rumored manager is said to be writing a letter to the corporate office claiming harrassment. Now mind you none of the employees at Buca enjoy this particular individual, and we do pick on him quite frequently, but harassment is definately over the top! Why doesn't he just write a note to corporate stating the fact that he is fair to poor in his job performance and is socially incompetent...that would be true!

So bottom line is that our "paisano" manager is looking for the culprits of the note. The writer of this blog was not involved in the writing of the note (even though I think it's funny), but does know who did write the note. So on behalf of those who may lose their jobs I returned Sauce and talked with the manager knowing three important peices of information that helped reassure me: 1. I did not write the incriminating letter. 2. The paisano likes me. 3. If I did get fired I am only at Buca for another week. I did not get fired, but am now being hassled to tell who wrote the letter. I say it's up to the writers to turn themselves in. What do you think?

I say that the whole incident is funny. Aside from the inappropriate note and the pending harrassment suit it was a good prank. And I'm sure that Sauce enjoyed it.

monday

2004-08-09T09:03:00.000-04:00

Prepare yourselves...these are going to make no sense becuase it's Monday morning.

1. I hate it when my alarm clock goes off and I feel like throwing up becuase my body does not enjoy the shock of waking up early.
2. Cereal is my friend. I enjoy the plain kinds like Cherrios or Grape-Nuts. Natural and straightforward without marshmallows or funky colors. Like me.
3. I wish I knew more about technology so that I could get this sound system working so that I wouldn't have to sit here in silence all morning.
4. I am never going to finish this Hillary Clinton book. Good Lord this woman likes to ramble.
5. Is a coffeehouse still a coffeehouse if it runs out of coffee?
6. I have a headache. It's only 9am.
7. I have the night off. Maybe I'll do something fun. Or maybe I'll sit at home and watch TV and eat ice cream.
8. I am sad that I am moving soon. I like it here. Why am I leaving again?
9. I wish I could go back to sleep......NOW.
10. I love things clean. Especially when I'm not the one who had to clean them.
11. Coffee is my friend. Coffee and cereal...not together that would be gross.
12. JP came in...we now have music. I like music. I'ld like it more if you could eat it.
13. I am single and I like it. It's less complicated. Except for days when I want a boyfriend.
14. I like to eat, but I don't like to cook.
15. I do not like taking the trash out.
16. I don't like picking up after other people (physically as well as emotionally). Why can't people be responsible for themselves?
17. I do like good friends, the one's that you let see you when you are tired and dirty.
18. I enjoy shopping for bargains. Somehow getting something cheaper than anyone else makes me feel good.
19. I don't like change.
20. I do enjoy a good adventure!
21. I love to travel, but I prefer places that I've been before.
22. Purple is a good color.
23. I no longer have the night off...my manager called me and I need the money. I shall miss you re-runs and chocolate ice cream.
24. I love to talk to inanimate objects, like plants.
25. I enjoy saying the phrase "Good Hussle" with a little clap when someone does something that makes me smile. I stole that phrase from my friend Matt. Good hussle Matt!
26. I like to pet my chinchilla, he's soft.
27. I don't like those little hairs around my forehead...they always flip out weird.
28. I love comfortable clothes!
29. I hate shoes.
30. If I could have one super-power it would be flight. How cool would that be?
31. I wonder if I could handle law school.
32. I don't like impatient people. It's sad that I usually am one.
33. I wish that I were eloquent enough to write poetry.
34. Will I ever actually learn more than three chords on the guitar?
35. When will this blog end?

NOW.

sauce the cat

2004-08-04T09:10:00.000-04:00

Alright folks, welcome back. I would like to tell you a little story. It is a story of a cat...a cat named Sauce.
Sauce the cat is not a real cat in the way that most people would define "real." She is a 2' tall black porcelain cat which we kidnapped from my work. Now Sauce was once trapped in a lonely section of the restaurant where she really didn't get much love until last night at about 5:30pm EST. She was at that time removed from her once permanent position and set free about the restaurant to wander. She would spontaniously appear in random places throughout the restaurant during the evening (i.e. the pizza kitchen, in the hallway, on the bartop, etc). Then when the restaurant was closing she was kidnapped and taken on a fun adventure.

We decided it would be hilarious to take Sauce for ransom. So we took pictures of her abduction with a Polaroid camera. There are pictures of her being removed from the restaurant, being blindfolded and put in a car trunk, and then being placed on the local railroad tracks. Don't worry, Sauce is safe and secure. After her ransom pictures were taken she accompanied us to the local pub where she got her picture taken with partying strangers. We now plan to write ransom notes and send them to our manager for a week or so. We are also placing her picture around the restaurant on signs saying: "Lost Kitty. Have you seen me??"

We'll see how much Sauce is worth, or if anyone even cares. But for right now, I would just like to tell you that all in all Sauce provided an entire evening of entertainment. It was probably one of the funniest things that I've been a part of in quite a while. Thank God for a sense of humor and for people that were as bored and easily entertained as I am.

invisibility

2004-08-01T11:38:00.000-04:00

Ever wish you were invisible? I do. For example two nights ago at the restaurant that I work at, I wished many a time that I could dissapear. I am an extrovert, but sometimes (especially on days that I work both jobs) I wish that I could just be alone. Working two jobs where you are serving people just wears you out completely. You have to act as though you are happy that after working all day that you get the opportunity to serve yet another party of 10 at 10pm!! If you really said what you wanted to the kid who drinks 5 glasses of root beer and then whines to you that he wants another....his mom or dad wouldn't really tip you well. I have to give most of the customers credit...not everyone is annoying and most of them are pleasent. But as a waitress you can't help but be consumed by that one negative customer who drive you nuts and then tips you poorly. For example...the party of 5 who has a reservation (and still winds up waiting 30 minutes becuase the people currently sitting at their table are taking their sweet time getting up) and then blames you for the wait!! Or the one person who doesn't want mushrooms on their tortelloni and blames you when one slips in there. Or the customer whose pizza takes 45 minutes becuase the kitchen is backed up. I feel like screaming sometimes: "No you whiny brat, you can't have another root beer. Or, do you think I personally cooked your tortelloni???" What do these people think that I do everything? I just want to yell: "No, after carrying all 25 of your waters to your table I don't feel like refilling the jerk's glass who sucked his down before I even finished setting them all down on the table. How about I just bring a pitcher out for him and stick a straw in it to save myself some effort? I don't want to serve anyone else! I've had it."
It makes me think...did Jesus ever wish he was invisible?? Did he ever get sick of serving people all the time. I know that he didn't do it for money, but it's similar. People just take and take and take until you feel as though you've got nothing left to give. Did Jesus ever feel drained? I know that he would go off by himself for a while, but did he ever feel like telling people off or dumping hot coffee on their laps? I doubt it. Lord help me I want to be invisible.

another birthday passes

2004-07-28T08:10:00.000-04:00

So it was my 24th birthday yesterday. For those of you who are just tuning in I just wanted to inform you that you may still feel free to send birthday wishes of good will and money to my home address. But seriously...money is always welcome even when it's not my birthday!

Anyway, it was a good birthday (thanks for asking). I had my family call and a bunch of my friends remembered (which made me realize once again that I am blessed to have friends that are better friends than I am). I took the day before my birthday off from both my jobs and got to sit at home watching movies and eating cookie dough and drinking chocolate milkshakes. It was a great way to celebrate my last day of being 23!! I had an excuse to sit inside all day because it was rainy and cold here in Cincy. I even made myself hot cocoa in the afternoon because I was so cold!

For some reason this birthday I feel older. It usually doesn't happen that way. Usually I wake up on my birthday not feeling any older than the day before and finding it silly that I should feel any different being as only one day has passed. But this year was different. I feel 24, however that is supposed to feel. It just seems like I have now warped into full adulthood. I am no-longer an early-twenty something, I am a mid-twenty something. I just thought that I would have a lot more figured out by this time in life....but I guess most everyone feels that way. Except for those of us who are lucky to either not have any expectations of themselves or who are keeping pace with those expectations. I know that is a sentence fragment, but I just don't care. I'm 24 and I can write in sentence fragments as often as I feel! Right?!

it's a conspiracy

2004-07-22T10:54:00.000-04:00

The trouble with working at the good ole' Rohs Street Cafe during the summer is that it is ridiculously slow. Not like our business is hopping all the time in the winter either, but a hot cup of coffee definitely has more of an appeal in the frigid month of January than it does in the steamy heat of July (plus we don't have air conditioning in the cafe). Anyway, the slow business is almost torture for an extrovert such as me. If I am by myself I like it to be because I chose to have alone time or am being productive (i.e. reading a book in the park, napping on my couch, etc.). But sitting here with one or two customers dwindling in every hour is irritating beyond reason for me. I would either us be busy (busy= one customer every ten minutes) or have us shut down so that I can be productive (productive= cleaning like a maniac). I am not a person who appreciates in-between times. I could write a whole blog on that psychologically loaded statement, but will refrain for the sake of brevity.
It's almost like I'm on one of those gag TV shows. I go to do something, and regardless of how long it takes, in walks a customer during the middle of it. This especially occurs when I leave my station to use the bathroom. Now using the bathroom when you are the only person behind the counter does get complicated. You don't want to leave any customers waiting and you don't want to wet your pants...it's a delicate balance you see. But it is almost an 85% probability that when I leave to use the bathroom, just as I'm getting situated, someone walks in the door! This place could be empty for hours and the minute that I need to leave the counter....in walks a customer! I'm pretty sure it's part of a conspiracy to drive me insane. I think that there's a trigger on the bathroom door that signals someone parked across the street to get up and walk in at just the right time (or wrong time shall I say). I don't understand this phenomenon. If any of you fans out there have an explanation, feel free to educate me on the matter.
Maybe I could solve the whole issue by leaving the counter more frequently...thereby triggering the customers and diffusing this whole twisted experiment. I'll let you in on any further discoveries.

sad realizations

2004-07-21T09:44:00.000-04:00

While visiting a friend's blog this morning I realized that he had my blog linked as "Juliet's blog of angry single women." I laughed, because it was funny. And then it hit me...am I an angry single woman? I was driving yesterday and had another realization along the same lines. I was filtering through all my ex-relationships (as most of you know I have a bad habit of overanalyzing) and realized that I am most happy and healthy when I am not in a relationship. This to me was a sad realization. Now this does have a little to do with the fact that I have not had a really great relationship... ever. Also, my break-ups aren't usually easy and often take quite a while from which to recover. Inronically enough though, it's usually after the recovery year that I feel the most refreshed and confident. For example...right now. So I conclude this most confusing and half-thought-out blog by saying confidently....yes, I am single. But no, I am not angry (atleast not at this particular moment). I am glad to only have to worry about myself when making decisions. It is a free and easy time of life and I am enjoying it. Amen.

beyond description

2004-07-20T10:00:00.000-04:00

So I'm back from my South Dakota reservation adventure. For those fans who have not recently tuned in, I took a trip with a high school youth group to Pine Ridge Indian Reservation in South Dakota for a week. We drove all the way there and back....I don't recommend driving. Now that I'm back I have a variety of mixed emotions, and I'm not quite sure if I will ever think the same. The poverty level on the rez reminded me of Honduras and I kept expecting the people to speak spanish. The sadness and anger are overwhelming sometimes.
The camp that we stayed at was only 4 miles from the site of the Wounded Knee Massacre...it's a very sad story in which the US cavalry basically slaughtered most of a band from the Lakota Souix tribe and left them to die in a blizzard. Even though Wounded Knee happened over 100 years ago, the pain is still a reality for many of the people living there. I heard the story every day for a week. Just imagine the pain and resentment that builds after generations of being inundated with such a tradgedy. It would be like someone from Manhattan watching the twin towers fall every day on video and then having to live in an Arab or Islamic state of captivity. It's revolting some of the things that the US government did to the indigenous people while "winning the west." I understand that our freedom comes at a cost, but how can anyone do such a thing and decide it was just in any sense?
But there is hope on the rez. There are people there who speak the language of the Lakota nation, and who teach the ways to their children. There are people who have jobs and who support their families. There are healthy families on the rez that love and care and support one another. But there are unproportioned amounts of unhappy or apathetic souls who wander jobless on the highways or abuse their families. There is pain so deep that sometimes I just had to cry because it was beyond description. I pray that hope and justice come quickly to these people...may God use me in any way possible to help bring that about.

keep on truckin'

2004-07-06T15:19:00.000-04:00

So, I know that you will all grieve my absence, but you will just have to go on blogging without me for a while. I am goin' west to seek out new adventures. On Thursday I am leaving for a short-term mission trip to South Dakota. I am a sponsor for a high school youth group. We will be driving out there (a two day trip both ways) and then staying on the Pine Ridge Native American Indian reservation making bunk beds for kids. It will be an awesome trip (as long as I can get enough sleep and caffeine). I am so excited. I've never been to South Dakota and I've never been to a reservation. This particular reservation is one of the poorest in the nation and I know that these kids (and maybe even some of the adults) will be very shocked at the conditions. Pray for patience, endurance, and for an open heart as I hope to serve effectively. So I will be leaving the world of blog for a little bit and then re-joining all of you again when I return from my native American excursion. Peace out.

sometimes i'm really stupid

2004-06-30T21:35:00.000-04:00

all i have to say is God is great and i am stupid. i think sometimes that i have it all together...only to realize that i am very capable of falling into the same traps over and over again. thank God for grace. Amen.

keeping pace

2004-06-23T09:37:00.000-04:00

I had a really good impromtu conversation with a friend last night while driving through the endless state that is Indiana. Seriously...perhaps Nebraska or Kansas are more boring, but I don't have to drive through those states on a semi-regular basis. I wish that I had one of those transmitters from Star Trek and Scottie could beam me up from Chicago to Cincinnati without all the hassle of Indiana. Anyway, the conversation was mostly about her recent college graduation. I asked her the dreaded question: so what are you planning on doing now? The harsh reality of that question is often very overwhelming for a recent grad. You have spent years and countless hours in school and now...where do you go from here? Often times there is that disillusionment process where one realizes the world is not as you thought it would be. I know that I had that panic. So to stall from reality I decided to hop into grad school right away. Which wouldn't have been a bad idea if I had really known what I was signing myself up for in the first place. After that short but painful experience of realizing that I had made a mistake, I faced the same daunting quetion: so what are you planning on doing now?
For the longest time I felt as though I had to make something up to satisfy the curiousity of the people who were asking me. Well, after taking some time off I plan on going to such and such prestigious university or I plan on moving to such and such exotic location or I plan on solving world hunger or something of the like. I felt this consuming need to feel as though I was keeping pace with the world around me. Even though I had left my grad program I was going to land on my feet in spectacular fashion and continue running this race towards success. I would not stumble, or atleast I wouldn't let those around me know that I really needed a break. I would keep running, keep pushing myself until I really did catch up with everyone else involved in this imaginary social standings race.
However, after about six months of making stuff up I decided it wasn't worth it. I began to answer people honestly that I really didn't know what I was doing next. If they were still curious I would tell them about grad school and my interestes and hopes for the future. But I came to learn an important lesson. This "race" to which I refer does exist in the professional world, but it's not that important. You can change your mind and the world does not fall apart. You can be unsure and realize that you are not alone...that most people are unsure. If you are a Christian, than the rules and standards of this world don't apply to you. God doesn't care if you are "on pace" with your life plan, or even that you have a life plan. God only cares that you serve him and that you are seeking him in everything that you do. If that happens to be making coffee (like me) than do that until you hear a different call.
I guess this was part me venting and part me attempting to encourage those around who feel the pressure of success weighing upon them to let it go. Keeping pace is useless if that pace isn't God's.

ever wish you were rich?

2004-06-16T11:04:00.000-04:00

WOW...how do you follow up a blog when all your friends write pages in comments? With something shallow and superficial..that's how. So I pose another question: (seeing as how we have pondered singledom enough)Have you ever wished you were rich?
I have. I say this for two reasons. One, becuase there are so many things that I want to do or so many places that I want to visit that it would be convenient to afford it. Two, becuase I don't like working. Simple as that. If I were rich I could pay off all my friends and families debt. I could visit everyone whenever I felt like it. I could eat out and not feel guilty. I could pay for my friends to eat out and not feel guilty.
Let's look at the positive. I am glad that I am not rich becuase I'm positive that I would get way too attached to materialistic needless items like an automatic smoothie maker that also creates the perfect chai latte and magically cleans your kitchen as well...or something of the sort. I would be even more selfish than I am naturally. I would expect people to do things for me. But most of all I would think that I wouldn't need Jesus as much as I really do. I truly believe that he meant what he said about the rich man getting into heaven being as hard as a camel going through the eye of a needle. People who have everything that they think they need/want have little room to admit or understand that they need Jesus. I am simply a weak-willed person and would get swept up in wealth too easily. Praise God for knowing my limitations better than I do.
Okay...so that ended up being not-so-shallow or superficial. What can I say? I'm deeper than I thought.

calling all single women

2004-06-10T10:14:00.000-04:00

Alright ladies...this is meant to be a forum for discussion on a topic that I have been sorting through for quite some time. WHAT IS A SINGLE WOMAN'S ROLE IN THE CHURCH?

Here are my thoughts. I have discussed this many times with my roomate and have talked in circles for hours with her. My role as it is right now seems to be the "go-to girl". Seeing as how most of the women in our church are either 1. college students 2. wives 3. mothers or 4. career women it leaves me as a person with free time. I enjoy this role as I feel helpful, but in my mind the excuse that I have two jobs still leaves me feeling guilty when I don't help out as much as possible with the church. I'm not saying that other people don't serve, but many just have other responsibilities (i.e. lives of their own). I am therefore left in this in-between sub-culture of non-student, non-married, non-parent people without careers. I enjoyed that sentence because I used as many hyphanated words as I could. It is an odd feeling many times and I have tried to find my niche that helps me feel not so left out but it is very hard to relate.
Many times I feel as though I am missing something required to enjoy this club called "church"(like a husband or a kid). This feeling is not isolated to the church, but in the real world there are other people like me who are in this awkward in-between life stages stage. I just wish I knew where they are in the church....do they exist? Are there young un-married, non-student, non-career adults in the church? Where have they all gone? There were in our youth groups in high school, or our bible studies in college, and then they fall off the face of the earth. Until they have kids and decide that their children should go to church becuase that is what families do. Are we in the church so worried about "keeping up appearances" that we are not real? Are non-Christians intimidated becuase they do not have picture perfect lives and they will not fit in to our sub-culture?
Most of the time I feel as though the mid-American Christian Church still lives in the 1950's where women may go to college if they wish, but never really do anything with their education. I will shamelessly plug Mona Lisa Smile to reference this 1950's ideal. Within the church, women are expected to fulfill their God-given roles of wives and mothers and they are allowed to do ministry within the church if they are working with children, or under the supervision of a man. This may be a psuedo-feminine and product child of the 80's viewpoint...but I believe it's true for most mid-western middle class churches. I know that many of you are somewhat in this same position and I take comfort knowing that I am not alone in my struggle....but drop me a line and tell me if you feel the same tension.

a long days journey into night

2004-06-10T07:23:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was quite a long day for me. I'm not talking about the "work both jobs till your ready to pass out busy," but an emotionally busy day. I'm still feeling the aftermath of it today. I finally accomplished the seemingly impossible of sending out the remainder of my support letters. It was a great feeling, but I was also nervous. I have been so consumed with the process of the actual letters that I really didn't think about the results- will the $6000 that I need come in? But that was answered as I already receieved my first letter back last night. Praise God for giving me the reminder that he is in control and will provide everything that I need just when I need it most! I nearly cried.
I also had my last Bible Study last night. This amazing group of people have been such an integral part of my life these past two years. Many of them have seen me ball my eyes out as I searched for the words to express my pain and frustration. They have been there through me starting grad school and leaving grad school, two break-ups, my sister's wedding...and a long list of events. I know that I wouldn't be the Christian that I am without each one of them and the unique contributions that they have all made to my life. It is such a blessing to have strong Christian friends who care for you so deeply. I will miss them all so much next year. Even though we usually just made fun of each other...some of the most poinent conversations of my life took place within that group. I am crying while writing this and my heart feels an overwhelming sensation of gratitude.
After all of this, I also went out with my roomie last night to a late-night chick flick. It was such an unrealistic story-line, but spurred us both into a world of fairy tales where true love conquers all. I wish I could say that this affected me deeply, but all I could feel when I got out of the theatre was disbelief...I think I'm turning into a permanant relationship skeptic. It's not as though I've dated lots of people, because I haven't...it's just that those I have dated I truly cared for and I felt so dissillusioned when things didn't work out the way that I had pictured in my romance fairy tale. I'm not going to throw in the towel and become a spinster at the ripe old age of 23, but a little romance certainly wouldn't kill me. All I want is someone I like to like me back...it's not an absurd request. We'll see.
So I leave you now after my emotional rollercoaster of a day with this thought: Every day has an equal chance of becoming extraordinary. I know it sounds like a cheasy motivational speaker catch phrase...but I believe it, so back off! Watch it be a patented phrase and I'll get sued for being an optimist.

bad dreams?

2004-06-08T07:47:00.000-04:00

Do you ever have the dream where you either have to be somewhere important or you have to get something done in a certain amount of time and everything seems to go wrong? In this dream you constantly forget things or lose things and people keep getting in your way and it seems as though you will never actually get to your destination or finish your project. For me this bad dream is currently my reality.
I have been attempting to complete and mail my support letters for my internship in Miami this fall and everything keeps going wrong. I feel as though I am that frustrated little hamster spinning madly in my wheel while the actual goal just keeps getting farther and farther away and I am making no progress at all. All I want to do is send out support letters to my friends and family so that I can afford to go to Miami for a year and minister to Latino kids. That's all. But right now it seems like this impossible task. First, I have no home computer and so I use the computer at the coffeehouse I work at...no big deal until the printer runs out of ink about 2/3 of the way through my letters. Fine, I just run to Staples to get a new cartridge. Except when I bring in the cartridge to find its full-of-ink counterpart, the people at Staples stare at me with utter confusion as if I had brought in a shard of an alien spaceship or asked for plutonium. Needless to say, I did not find my cartridge. However, I also needed more envelopes, so I do find those. I return to the coffehouse cartridge-free and ready to atleast finish what I could of the printed copies only to run out of stamps. So I get back in my car and go to the post office where I get my stamps.
I tell my sob story to a friend and she prints off the needed extra copies of the letter. Then I realize that I need more copies of the response cards...so I print those off at another friend's house. I assemble everything in my living room and feel as though I might actually complete something. I carefully stuff each envelope and seal and address them all. All that was left was to put stamps on them. But I can't find my stamps. I would like to know how 100 stamps can just dissapear, but they have. So now my letters are sitting in a box ready to be mailed and I have to go back to the post office and by more stamps. I'm sure as soon as I do the letters will spontaniously burst into flames or something of the sort. I'll let you know.

i hate cell phones

2004-06-06T12:19:00.000-04:00

Me and cell phones, or shall I say cell phones and I have a love hate relationship. Recently my cell phone decided to frustrate me by refusing to work. It began last weekend while I was traveling to a friend's wedding. I was the maid of honor and had a lot of running around to do and was really looking forward to communicating with people by cell phone....but alas my plans were thwarted by my evil and unresponsive cell phone. It would tease me with a signal....just to loose it exactly when I pushed the button to make a call. I would think to myself...surely you are smarter than a cell phone and you can sneak in a call before it looses the signal again...not so much. So I made it through the weekend cell phone free. Because I work two jobs and enjoy sleeping in my spare time, it took me a week to have the opportunity to drive up to Ye Old Cell Phone Shoppe, which shall remain nameless at this point in time. I then tested my patience by waiting in line for what seemed like an eternity (and in reality was aproximately an hour and a half, aparantly eternity is shorter than we thought). The woman behind the customer service counter than gave me a replacement phone and I was overjoyed at the thought of having my cell phone once again at my disposal. I checked my v-mail with extreme elation and found that people were baffled that I had not 1. answered my phone or 2. called them back. Unfortunatly I could not let them know my cell phone was not working...becuase my cell phone was not working. One message in particular warrented a call-back, but unfortunately I had to go to work...so I would wait to call that person back until later. But later was not to be...for in that short time that I was working my cell phone (that is my NEW cell phone) also decided to revolt against it's supposed purpose and refuse to work. So now I must travel back up to Ye Old Cell Phone Shoppe and ask for yet another phone...which I am sure will stop working. I hate cell phones.

a brief introduction

2004-06-01T12:00:00.000-04:00

Okay..so I got a little carried away with my thoughts that I forgot to introduce myself and the point of this little site. Most of those who will be wandering across this information will be my friends and/or family members and already know me. However, for those of you who are lucky enough to find this nugget of wisdom and joy amongst the vastness of cyberspace allow myself to introduce...myself (an Austin Powers reference...just so no one thinks I've lost it).
As you can already guess...I like to talk and writing in something like this is almost as good as having a conversation where you are the one that gets to do all the talking! I am an extreme extrovert and am suprised that I have not given in to pop culture and peer pressure to divulge my thoughts earlier than today. I guess the feeling of sharing psuedo-intimate thoughts with complete strangers through the miracle that is modern technology was a little forboding. But I am attempting it anyway...even if I am the only one who finds this site entertaining.
I will spare you my life's history and do as little name-dropping as possible so that you can keep up. I grew up in the Chicago suburbs in a little village called Westmont. I came from the block where everyone has fenced in yards, two cars, two kids, and a cat or dog. We really did have block parties every year...it was awesome. I went to the same small school district my entire elemetary and secondary education. My college education came from Lincoln Christian College, a small private college in the middle of nowhere Illinois. It was a very small school and I loved it. I moved to Cincinnati for grad school, where I promptly left my program and have been working excessive hours as a waitress and coffee shop barista. Let me tell you one thing...school is easier. So now I am planning on moving to Miami, Florida in September to pursue an inner-city ministry internship for a yaer. After that....who knows. But I'm sure I'll keep everyone who visits this site up to date with my oh-so-exciting life. So keep checking...I don't even know what I'll say half the time.

my thoughts on hillary

2004-06-01T11:33:00.000-04:00

So...I've been reading Hillary Rodham Clinton's book "Living History." It's interesting to learn about her life and times (especially pre-Bill days). I'm not sure what the intent of the book was..perhaps to personalize her to voters or push her political agendas or just to tell a story that a lot of people are curious to read. She does drop about two names per pharagraph which makes it a little thick to wade through and comprehend. For example, here is a sample from page 97: "Carl Wagner, a longtime Democratic activist and father of an only daughter, told Bill he would effectively be turning his daughter into an orphan. Mickey Kantor delivered the same message while he and Bill sat on the back porch of the Governor's Mansion."
Some people claim that Hillary should run for president. I brought up the subject at work and we had a hour long debate about the issue. One guy in particular said that there was "no way that a chick could be president." This sparked some issued within the women of the group...probably not a smart move on his part seeing as he was the only male amongst us. I'm not sure if a woman will be president within my lifetime, much less the next five years. But even though I don't agree with all of Hillary's political ideologies, I would probably vote for her becuase I do want to see what a woman president would be like. She is an extremely intelligent woman who holds a lot of similar passions as I do concerning child wellfare and women's rights.
With presidential elections approaching I feel so overwhelmed by politics and "American ideals." Do I know enough about politics to make an educated decision about any candidate. It seems to me as if it would be a full-time job to really get to understand every candidate for each position. Do we really know who we are voting for? what we are voting for? Or do we just vote for the person that looks the best, or has the best campaign package? I know that I usually just voted republican, but am now looking broader than I used to at all candidates regardless of party affiliations. But I still have no idea what I'm doing. So as far as I know...Hillary could be president. Who knows?